G'bye

Goodbye to all that is meaningless and impersonal...

I really haven't written anything in ages. I haven't really had anything worth writing. When all you can do is lay in the dark and try and keep your mind off the pain you are in, your mind has a lot of time to wander and explore and poke at so many things... Choices you've made... The people around you... Who you love... Who you want... Who to bother with... Who is the one to make you smile... Who you want around to make you smile. What a weird little life I lead. I'm not the greatest person I can be, I know this. I make poor choices and I'm not always there for my friends when they need me, but I do try. There a select few that mean the world to me and I would do anything in my power to help them when they need it or just to go that extra step... My life is a cluster fuck of endless nothingness. Confusing. Unsure. Unaware of so many things I should be wide eyed and conscience to. Its like there is a patch over my eye, I'm seeing only half of everything where I should be seeing so much more. What is it that I'm missing? What will make me feel whole? What will make me feel content? Complete?... Is it love? Companionship? Money? Would it be a things? Material items? What would make me feel okay with everything?

...and yet, I can't even write out anything that makes sense enough for me to feel content and some what happy with my "now"

Written years ago.