Sunday, August 30, 2009
Love thy brother
I write this, tears rumble down my face. After hearing and learning of many things. My brother is now dead to me. Choices he’s made, reflections of a moulded being. My laid back nature, my acceptance to many and to many situations all crumble when someone fucks with my family. Fast forward many years, my future, our future, brother, do you come back, broken and bruised, mind fucked and humbled? Do you still remain as my brother? Do we live and learn? Does and has my involvement made it all worse? Blood is thick, I love you dear brother, but fists full of insanity, poor choices and rotten excuses people would call people storm through that once smoothly paved road. How long do I sit back and let it be without saying a thing? Or do I say my piece, get stomped on and get accused of many other things and let all be... just be? I forget to breath while I write this down, my mind is light yet weighed down heavily. I love you dear brother but I’m letting you go. For now you have made your choice. For now I will be nothing to you.
Alone in never.
I drive alone
To be home, alone
To lie alone
I dream alone.
Alone, I dream of my future.
Things I will do, alone.
Alone, without a thought of you.
I will travel through life,
to see my world, alone
Alone, I will be.
Yesterday.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Forever I will be vacant in heart.
In mind.
In voice.
Alone, by myself.
Which doesn’t,
and will never include you.
To be home, alone
To lie alone
I dream alone.
Alone, I dream of my future.
Things I will do, alone.
Alone, without a thought of you.
I will travel through life,
to see my world, alone
Alone, I will be.
Yesterday.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Forever I will be vacant in heart.
In mind.
In voice.
Alone, by myself.
Which doesn’t,
and will never include you.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Broken heart for Brother
Mary I don’t really want to write this... I’m not even writing this for me or even for you. I’m writing this for Cody as he told me I had to talk to you. I have no burning desire to communicate with you. It kills me to see Cody the way he is. Mary, he’s not the same person he was before he met you. You’ve sucked the life out of that man he's alone and doesn't see the friends he grew up with. I don’t understand how everyone BUT Cody can see that you are manipulative, controlling and damaging.
The reason I’m not talking to you is because when you and Cody broke up you told me that you needed to cut off communication with me. Ok, I respected that. But then you continued to call me several times a day. At that point we are friends on your terms – you could call me at your will but I’m not to communicate with you at mine. What does this sound like to you? AND little did I know... and I realized too late... that you were calling me to gather information on Cody – that’s manipulation at its finest. It FLOORED me when you said that it wasn’t right that he wasn’t hurting enough, he wasn’t showing that he was hurting as much as you... Just so you could hurt him more you manipulated your way back into his life again just to prolong his the agony. Yet YOU told him not to call you, so he didn’t. You didn’t like that either because I guess he was supposed to beg you to love him or something... he didn’t give you enough time, enough opportunity to punish him as much as you wanted – and that really pissed you off. You need some help.
I chose not to talk to you anymore once I figured this all out. Once you death-gripped my brother again, you text me several times which I chose to ignore. I finally replied that I didn’t want to get involved. (You weren’t going to get more info from me) At that time you chose to delete me from your life. Truthfully these have been calm months. I have chosen to keep my comments to myself until recently. I still worried about my brothers well being but I figured in time you would realize what's inevitable.
I’m not sure what you were trying to accomplish on Saturday when you verbally attacked me at Hudson’s. How inappropriate of you... how immature! I didn’t even want you there but I sucked it up and made a bad situation tolerable. I have no intentions of being your friend. You’ve showed me your true colors time and time again. Everyone can see it Mary, everyone. I won’t let you use me or abuse me any longer.
Take a look at your life. You are the common denominator in all your crisis... divorces, friends, problems with your oldest. Is it always someone else’s fault? Someone else’s problem? You say our morals aren’t good enough for you. What about yours? You are dating a man far too young for you – merely twice the age of your oldest child. You moved him in while still married. Jesus, you are on Meds to keep an even keel in life. You left him for days on end with your girls before you really even knew him Mary. You have made Cody deal with one of your X-husbands. You even manipulated him into ripping our mother off for nearly $5000. Because YOU needed the money??? Cody had a responsibility there.
In the car on the way back from Jasper after snowboarding: I have no idea what you guys were arguing about but your fighting technique is impressive. Very manipulative and abusive. The crying and the constant digging. You wouldn’t leave it alone until you forced him to “admit” that he was in the wrong and he had to apologize. Is that a real "win" Mary? I had to sit through hours of it and it was horrible. I can only imagine what every day is like with you. You have no restrictions on your behaviour, no class in dealing with things in private or appropriately. You always want Cody to think that there is something wrong with him.... well Mary, there is something wrong with you and you wag your finger at Cody to camouflage your short comings. You are abusive.
Oh ya, scuba lessons were embarrassing. Everyone there was embarrassed by your behaviour. Even when the instructor tried to shut you down... you just kept on going. In the classroom you were even worse. Is it an attention thing for you Mary? Perhaps you need to look at that. You are old enough to know better. I know mom was mortified as the owner of the place ridiculed her for your performance and told her to get you to “shut the hell up.” How do you think Cody felt when you went on about being a single mom? Well Mary when you were with Cody, you weren’t alone, he was your partner and you made him look worthless. You are very selfish and self serving. I am still ashamed! It was a lot of money to make you part of that Mary... it was worthless and unappreciated. Did you even say thank-you to Mom or Pat?
The few times that I do see my brother you’re constantly calling and I gotta wonder what his days consists of... Can’t you cope on your own? How did you deal with life before he came along???? Leave him the HELL alone when he’s visiting people. Keep your insecurities yours. He doesn’t need to own them for you too. Those who he tries to have a visit with are embarrassed enough for him with your constant badgering. Give him some dignity for God sake.
It saddens me that Cody is so alone. He’s only allowed to hang out with “Mary Approved” friends. It saddens me that we all can’t do the “family thing” anymore because my mother is no longer “Mary Approved”. (and just for the record, Mary isn’t “Family approved”) How do you suppose Cody would have a happy fulfilling life with you if his family can’t be part of it? Is he to sacrifice all this for you? What have you sacrificed Mary?
It also saddens me to no end to see my brother so sad and lifeless. He seems to be scared to even say anything about anything. You’ve made him this way. I’ve said what I’ve wanted to say and I’m prepared for the repercussions. I know that one day, hopefully sooner than later, Cody will realize you’re not the one for him and he is able to move on and I’ll be there for him.
You will probably use this letter to whip him with. Just like you did when Lee spoke his mind after you poked him enough that he responded. What do you expect Mary... that maybe people should allow you abuse them with your tongue and not retaliate. Perhaps that`s what the men in your life tolerate, but people will only put up with you short term. How about you surprise me and keep this email to yourself, appreciate the outside perspective into the way you continually treat people. This is your reality.
The reason I’m not talking to you is because when you and Cody broke up you told me that you needed to cut off communication with me. Ok, I respected that. But then you continued to call me several times a day. At that point we are friends on your terms – you could call me at your will but I’m not to communicate with you at mine. What does this sound like to you? AND little did I know... and I realized too late... that you were calling me to gather information on Cody – that’s manipulation at its finest. It FLOORED me when you said that it wasn’t right that he wasn’t hurting enough, he wasn’t showing that he was hurting as much as you... Just so you could hurt him more you manipulated your way back into his life again just to prolong his the agony. Yet YOU told him not to call you, so he didn’t. You didn’t like that either because I guess he was supposed to beg you to love him or something... he didn’t give you enough time, enough opportunity to punish him as much as you wanted – and that really pissed you off. You need some help.
I chose not to talk to you anymore once I figured this all out. Once you death-gripped my brother again, you text me several times which I chose to ignore. I finally replied that I didn’t want to get involved. (You weren’t going to get more info from me) At that time you chose to delete me from your life. Truthfully these have been calm months. I have chosen to keep my comments to myself until recently. I still worried about my brothers well being but I figured in time you would realize what's inevitable.
I’m not sure what you were trying to accomplish on Saturday when you verbally attacked me at Hudson’s. How inappropriate of you... how immature! I didn’t even want you there but I sucked it up and made a bad situation tolerable. I have no intentions of being your friend. You’ve showed me your true colors time and time again. Everyone can see it Mary, everyone. I won’t let you use me or abuse me any longer.
Take a look at your life. You are the common denominator in all your crisis... divorces, friends, problems with your oldest. Is it always someone else’s fault? Someone else’s problem? You say our morals aren’t good enough for you. What about yours? You are dating a man far too young for you – merely twice the age of your oldest child. You moved him in while still married. Jesus, you are on Meds to keep an even keel in life. You left him for days on end with your girls before you really even knew him Mary. You have made Cody deal with one of your X-husbands. You even manipulated him into ripping our mother off for nearly $5000. Because YOU needed the money??? Cody had a responsibility there.
In the car on the way back from Jasper after snowboarding: I have no idea what you guys were arguing about but your fighting technique is impressive. Very manipulative and abusive. The crying and the constant digging. You wouldn’t leave it alone until you forced him to “admit” that he was in the wrong and he had to apologize. Is that a real "win" Mary? I had to sit through hours of it and it was horrible. I can only imagine what every day is like with you. You have no restrictions on your behaviour, no class in dealing with things in private or appropriately. You always want Cody to think that there is something wrong with him.... well Mary, there is something wrong with you and you wag your finger at Cody to camouflage your short comings. You are abusive.
Oh ya, scuba lessons were embarrassing. Everyone there was embarrassed by your behaviour. Even when the instructor tried to shut you down... you just kept on going. In the classroom you were even worse. Is it an attention thing for you Mary? Perhaps you need to look at that. You are old enough to know better. I know mom was mortified as the owner of the place ridiculed her for your performance and told her to get you to “shut the hell up.” How do you think Cody felt when you went on about being a single mom? Well Mary when you were with Cody, you weren’t alone, he was your partner and you made him look worthless. You are very selfish and self serving. I am still ashamed! It was a lot of money to make you part of that Mary... it was worthless and unappreciated. Did you even say thank-you to Mom or Pat?
The few times that I do see my brother you’re constantly calling and I gotta wonder what his days consists of... Can’t you cope on your own? How did you deal with life before he came along???? Leave him the HELL alone when he’s visiting people. Keep your insecurities yours. He doesn’t need to own them for you too. Those who he tries to have a visit with are embarrassed enough for him with your constant badgering. Give him some dignity for God sake.
It saddens me that Cody is so alone. He’s only allowed to hang out with “Mary Approved” friends. It saddens me that we all can’t do the “family thing” anymore because my mother is no longer “Mary Approved”. (and just for the record, Mary isn’t “Family approved”) How do you suppose Cody would have a happy fulfilling life with you if his family can’t be part of it? Is he to sacrifice all this for you? What have you sacrificed Mary?
It also saddens me to no end to see my brother so sad and lifeless. He seems to be scared to even say anything about anything. You’ve made him this way. I’ve said what I’ve wanted to say and I’m prepared for the repercussions. I know that one day, hopefully sooner than later, Cody will realize you’re not the one for him and he is able to move on and I’ll be there for him.
You will probably use this letter to whip him with. Just like you did when Lee spoke his mind after you poked him enough that he responded. What do you expect Mary... that maybe people should allow you abuse them with your tongue and not retaliate. Perhaps that`s what the men in your life tolerate, but people will only put up with you short term. How about you surprise me and keep this email to yourself, appreciate the outside perspective into the way you continually treat people. This is your reality.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
randomz
I rather enjoy finding new cool things online that entertain me.
Blogging again is sweet. Oh how I’ve missed thee. Now I just need to decide if I want to share all this with the world. I should probably, eh? I have nothing to hide really. (Except for the dead male hooker under my bead. Har har!)
I’m totally craving something sweet. Rawr. Gimme gimme.
I have been thinking a lot about my younger years, how retardingly stupid I was with some of the things I said and did and how ridiculous some of my choices were. Than again, you always want what you can’t have. Many “What If’s” pass through my thoughts. Very lame of me, if you were to ask me.
Incase I you missed it in the last post, KINGS OF LEON – TOMORROW! WOOOOHOOO! *pees herself* Gunna try and get some pictures. We have better seats than we did with Blink 182... or maybe not. I just looked. We’re in the 100’s but we’re FAR corner. Le sigh. OH WELL! Live music. Joyous me!
I procrastinate. I’m lame like that.
The end.
Blogging again is sweet. Oh how I’ve missed thee. Now I just need to decide if I want to share all this with the world. I should probably, eh? I have nothing to hide really. (Except for the dead male hooker under my bead. Har har!)
I’m totally craving something sweet. Rawr. Gimme gimme.
I have been thinking a lot about my younger years, how retardingly stupid I was with some of the things I said and did and how ridiculous some of my choices were. Than again, you always want what you can’t have. Many “What If’s” pass through my thoughts. Very lame of me, if you were to ask me.
Incase I you missed it in the last post, KINGS OF LEON – TOMORROW! WOOOOHOOO! *pees herself* Gunna try and get some pictures. We have better seats than we did with Blink 182... or maybe not. I just looked. We’re in the 100’s but we’re FAR corner. Le sigh. OH WELL! Live music. Joyous me!
I procrastinate. I’m lame like that.
The end.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Insane in the brain, insane in the membrane...
People never cease to amaze me. I figured I’ve seen it all at this point in my life, alas my friends, I haven't.
I love it when an people pick apart everything I say. 99% of the time I’m not serious and MY people know this. TAKE A JOKE. *laugh* It’s pure entertainment! When you turn it all around and take a look at it... you’re the insecure one. *shrug* (*flips hair* Like really, I would be jealous of me too!) As long as what you say makes you feel better and also makes you feel good about yourself than I’m glad I can be some help. (I know she’ll read this too... stalking tendencies never go away and will make insane people even more insane.) Goly Gosh Geez, I’m glad I’m all the way over in Canada, maybe I would have had to deal with actual threats... Then again, I could see some fun in that too.)
Anyways, life is life. I need to get outta this little rut that I’m in. I’m diggin away, the next step will be slow but steady for sure.
KINGS OF LEON – 2 days. *stoked* I’ve waited a long time to see these guys. Instant love affair with my ears, they did have. Ha.
I’m le hunger. THIS WEEK – NO IFS, ANDS or BUTS – 100% Raw diet. Only Fruit and Veggies will be consumed. I’ll aim for a month straight and commit to that. It’s already been 4 months since I’ve consumed any meat product and I’ve also completely cut out soda and most dairy products. All I really drink is water. It’s not as hard as I thought it would be. One step at a time baby!
Time to get some work done.
Friday, August 7, 2009
meah
Another day with no motivation. What the shit, like really?
There’s so much to do at the office and also so much to do at home. None of it gets done. Tsk tsk. My home has so much potential to look warm, welcoming and cozy but I do nothing about it. I think it’s because I share it with 4 roommates that don’t actually care what it looks like most days. Cleaning/chores are rarely done, garbage stacks up and no one cares. Sad really. None the less it’s my house and I do what I can. *shrug*
It’s Friday, thank gawd. Not too much going on but that’s always nice. Perhaps I can sand and paint the trim outside, clean up the garage a little... ect ect ect... Who even knows.
This is a boring blog.
There’s so much to do at the office and also so much to do at home. None of it gets done. Tsk tsk. My home has so much potential to look warm, welcoming and cozy but I do nothing about it. I think it’s because I share it with 4 roommates that don’t actually care what it looks like most days. Cleaning/chores are rarely done, garbage stacks up and no one cares. Sad really. None the less it’s my house and I do what I can. *shrug*
It’s Friday, thank gawd. Not too much going on but that’s always nice. Perhaps I can sand and paint the trim outside, clean up the garage a little... ect ect ect... Who even knows.
This is a boring blog.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
DNE
Do not enter
I cover up a dented emotion with a joke.
My sarcasm is my undercover shield which protects me from all that will harm me.
I wear a sign on back that reads "Fuck me" and an "L" on my forehead.
No one will get me down. No one will see me down.
I live inside myself, my own little domain.
There is no way to penetrate my essence.
My apprehension only shows through faintly evident shaking.
I fear everything but my shield is my refuge.
My straight emotionless facade is my haven.
I'm the conqueror of my daily internal battle.
Victory is mine.
I cover up a dented emotion with a joke.
My sarcasm is my undercover shield which protects me from all that will harm me.
I wear a sign on back that reads "Fuck me" and an "L" on my forehead.
No one will get me down. No one will see me down.
I live inside myself, my own little domain.
There is no way to penetrate my essence.
My apprehension only shows through faintly evident shaking.
I fear everything but my shield is my refuge.
My straight emotionless facade is my haven.
I'm the conqueror of my daily internal battle.
Victory is mine.
Camping, Pee, Poo and a storm.
Puppy Rubi, my side kick Amanda and I set out on our camping execution Friday night after I was done work. With the Xterra loaded with 99% of borrowed camping goods (Thanks Mom xo), we were both excited to get out of the city to “rough” it.
It was a very hot and beautiful Friday. We arrived at our camp site around 6 pm and started setting up right away. Amanda’s new tent was pretty easily set up but the tent that I had was another story. We weren’t at all familiar with it and it was somewhat of an adventure to assemble but we rigged it up well enough so that it was sleep-able and work-able. (We found the exact same tent on a walk we took later in the evening that we took a picture of it. It actually helped haha!)
I set up my car-plug in air pump and hooked it up to my air mattress but it didn’t seem to be pumping up too quickly. After an hour of pumping it still didn't look “fat” so I called up Kristi and Don (who lived minutes away from where we were camping in the Town of Wabamun) and begged for pumped air assistance... after Don blew up the mattress with his air pump and lungs (love you long time xo) we discovered a large hole in the side. DOH! I was kinda sad and tried to figure out what I was going to sleep on... The Paskos’ remembered a foam mattress at good ol’ mom and dads. I had something to sleep on! I was at that point a “Happy Camper” and we headed back to the camp site.
Around 12 am we headed to our tents for bed. I was getting ready to crawl into my sleeping bag and I smelt something, something musky and wet... ‘err it was pee! I used my phone as light and saw that Rubi, AFTER being outside for almost 6 hours straight, had decided to pee on her bed as well as my pillow. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I looked at Rubi cowering in the corner, SHE TOTALLY KNEW she fucked up. Grrr! (With annoyance and anger I beat the dog and kicked her outside of the tent for the night... kidding.) I threw the pee-pillow and pee-bed outside and used my hand sanitizer on the bottom of the tent to clean up the mess. Clean and no more pee smell – (YAY!) It was finally bed time. Rubi didn’t like the fact that she now had to sleep on the rock-bottomed tent and couldn’t seem to get comfortable - I laughed at her (really I did.) and went to sleep... later being woken up by her finding comfort refuge at my feet. (She’s lucky she’s so cute.)
Saturday morning I get a call from Kristi inviting us over for pancakes! Hellz yeah! (This was totally roughin’ it - shut up!) Amanda was sleepy so I left her in her tent. I had a shower and ate some yummy pancakes. Once we were finished we see Amanda walking up to the house. She found her way to their house and had only been there once! That girl gots skills!
I lathered myself in a bath of SPF 50 and we hit up Wabamun beach, it was SOOO busy! I tried to get Rubi use to the water and after dragging her into the boat launch area (hehe!) she seemed to warm up to it. We played some SloPitch and laid around for a bit eating peas and cherries (wicked combo if you ask me). After heading back to our site, eating and taking a short nap we headed back to the beach to meet up with some friends. Ignoring the "NO DOG" signs and seeing many other people bringing their dogs on the beach we headed down to the water with Rubi and the kids. We all played in the water and after several minutes let Rubi off her leash. Most of the people had headed home because of the incoming storm so it seemed to be a good idea at the time. After laughing and playing with Rubi in the water, watching her jump around and play she decided to... squat down and start to poop IN THE WATER! OMG! *shame* (Why IN the water??) All I could think of is the scene in Marley & Me where Marley took a poop in the water and thinking “THIS is why dogs aren’t allowed on the beach!” There were several gasps and some laughter from onlookers. Le sigh. I attempted to “catch” the poop with a poo bag but had little to no luck with that. That was the end of that play time; it was fun while it lasted.
The sky started to get ugly and the wind picked up... I was getting weather update texts from The Weather Network “Severe thunder storm warnings” and the sky didn’t lie. We decided to pack ‘er up and head home before we were stuck in the middle of the storm in our dinky little tents. (After seeing all the damage this morning, I was glad we decided to call it quits.)
The drive home was a little scary, it was hard to see the road and the sky was constantly lit up from the lightening - but we made it! We ran into the house leaving the car still packed and jumped into our snuggley warm beds.
Overall, I had a great time. It was nice to get away and nothing was going to set me back. I’m always up for an adventure – even with little dirty side adventures. LOL!
It was a very hot and beautiful Friday. We arrived at our camp site around 6 pm and started setting up right away. Amanda’s new tent was pretty easily set up but the tent that I had was another story. We weren’t at all familiar with it and it was somewhat of an adventure to assemble but we rigged it up well enough so that it was sleep-able and work-able. (We found the exact same tent on a walk we took later in the evening that we took a picture of it. It actually helped haha!)
I set up my car-plug in air pump and hooked it up to my air mattress but it didn’t seem to be pumping up too quickly. After an hour of pumping it still didn't look “fat” so I called up Kristi and Don (who lived minutes away from where we were camping in the Town of Wabamun) and begged for pumped air assistance... after Don blew up the mattress with his air pump and lungs (love you long time xo) we discovered a large hole in the side. DOH! I was kinda sad and tried to figure out what I was going to sleep on... The Paskos’ remembered a foam mattress at good ol’ mom and dads. I had something to sleep on! I was at that point a “Happy Camper” and we headed back to the camp site.
Around 12 am we headed to our tents for bed. I was getting ready to crawl into my sleeping bag and I smelt something, something musky and wet... ‘err it was pee! I used my phone as light and saw that Rubi, AFTER being outside for almost 6 hours straight, had decided to pee on her bed as well as my pillow. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I looked at Rubi cowering in the corner, SHE TOTALLY KNEW she fucked up. Grrr! (With annoyance and anger I beat the dog and kicked her outside of the tent for the night... kidding.) I threw the pee-pillow and pee-bed outside and used my hand sanitizer on the bottom of the tent to clean up the mess. Clean and no more pee smell – (YAY!) It was finally bed time. Rubi didn’t like the fact that she now had to sleep on the rock-bottomed tent and couldn’t seem to get comfortable - I laughed at her (really I did.) and went to sleep... later being woken up by her finding comfort refuge at my feet. (She’s lucky she’s so cute.)
Saturday morning I get a call from Kristi inviting us over for pancakes! Hellz yeah! (This was totally roughin’ it - shut up!) Amanda was sleepy so I left her in her tent. I had a shower and ate some yummy pancakes. Once we were finished we see Amanda walking up to the house. She found her way to their house and had only been there once! That girl gots skills!
I lathered myself in a bath of SPF 50 and we hit up Wabamun beach, it was SOOO busy! I tried to get Rubi use to the water and after dragging her into the boat launch area (hehe!) she seemed to warm up to it. We played some SloPitch and laid around for a bit eating peas and cherries (wicked combo if you ask me). After heading back to our site, eating and taking a short nap we headed back to the beach to meet up with some friends. Ignoring the "NO DOG" signs and seeing many other people bringing their dogs on the beach we headed down to the water with Rubi and the kids. We all played in the water and after several minutes let Rubi off her leash. Most of the people had headed home because of the incoming storm so it seemed to be a good idea at the time. After laughing and playing with Rubi in the water, watching her jump around and play she decided to... squat down and start to poop IN THE WATER! OMG! *shame* (Why IN the water??) All I could think of is the scene in Marley & Me where Marley took a poop in the water and thinking “THIS is why dogs aren’t allowed on the beach!” There were several gasps and some laughter from onlookers. Le sigh. I attempted to “catch” the poop with a poo bag but had little to no luck with that. That was the end of that play time; it was fun while it lasted.
The sky started to get ugly and the wind picked up... I was getting weather update texts from The Weather Network “Severe thunder storm warnings” and the sky didn’t lie. We decided to pack ‘er up and head home before we were stuck in the middle of the storm in our dinky little tents. (After seeing all the damage this morning, I was glad we decided to call it quits.)
The drive home was a little scary, it was hard to see the road and the sky was constantly lit up from the lightening - but we made it! We ran into the house leaving the car still packed and jumped into our snuggley warm beds.
Overall, I had a great time. It was nice to get away and nothing was going to set me back. I’m always up for an adventure – even with little dirty side adventures. LOL!
I Flip Floped
I went through 3 stages...
When I was younger, I didn’t care that people read or saw anything I posted on the Worldly Widely Web. Xanga and MySpace consumed my internet addiction at the time (though, I haven’t used either of those for years now). A whole buncha’ internet drama and real life drama went down a some years ago and I blocked everything and everyone and completely closed myself off from the world.
BUT! I’m back! I know those people are still out there lurking and getting off on the fact that they found something about me. (Good on ya guys, be sure to bookmark your findings and stalk the shit outta me every chance you get in your boring existence.) Yes, my friends, I’m back to not caring again. I love writing! I missed it and I didn’t do it for a very long time. It’s my outlet and my therapy and even though I’m pretty sure that hardly anyone reads my junk – it’s more of me anyways and I think it always has been.
I started this site because it’s so easy to use. Xanga was so friggin’ complicated. Facebook doesn’t have a blog but should. (Yes, there is a “Note” section but it’s kinda lame.) I share random thoughts and whining moments on my Facebook status and now Twitter but here I’ll write down my real junk.... Mmm junk. Haha!
If you’re reading this, thanks for comin’ by! If anything, I’ll have a more positive thread of writings and something to look back at when I’m old(er) and gray(er).
xo
When I was younger, I didn’t care that people read or saw anything I posted on the Worldly Widely Web. Xanga and MySpace consumed my internet addiction at the time (though, I haven’t used either of those for years now). A whole buncha’ internet drama and real life drama went down a some years ago and I blocked everything and everyone and completely closed myself off from the world.
BUT! I’m back! I know those people are still out there lurking and getting off on the fact that they found something about me. (Good on ya guys, be sure to bookmark your findings and stalk the shit outta me every chance you get in your boring existence.) Yes, my friends, I’m back to not caring again. I love writing! I missed it and I didn’t do it for a very long time. It’s my outlet and my therapy and even though I’m pretty sure that hardly anyone reads my junk – it’s more of me anyways and I think it always has been.
I started this site because it’s so easy to use. Xanga was so friggin’ complicated. Facebook doesn’t have a blog but should. (Yes, there is a “Note” section but it’s kinda lame.) I share random thoughts and whining moments on my Facebook status and now Twitter but here I’ll write down my real junk.... Mmm junk. Haha!
If you’re reading this, thanks for comin’ by! If anything, I’ll have a more positive thread of writings and something to look back at when I’m old(er) and gray(er).
xo
Puppy Love
Puppy is going to be the death of me.
Rubi is a 10 month old Great Dane, she was the runt so really she’s my mini Great Dane, but my big annoying baby girl none the less. She wakes me up several times a night sometimes for no reason at all. It’s hard for me to get back to sleep so this really sucks. I know she can hold her bladder for sometimes longer than 8 hours.
Last night around 3 am she woke me, the usual way, but putting her two front paws up on the bed and whining a bit. I crawl outta bed, take her down stairs and take her out side... she just stands there and looks around. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! After coaxing her and telling her to pee for several minutes she just sniffs a bit and looks around. Grrrr, good way to piss off your human!
She was up again at 5 am playing.
I don’t have a fenced yard yet or I would leave her outside for a while. THOUGH, she would bark at everything and I would have to beat her with a stick if she did that. Kidding. But really, sigh.
She seems to do well in her kennel but I don’t leave her in there at night because she’s in it for the majority of the day.
I couldn’t handle having a baby/kid... so as always, Fally is a NO BABY ZONE!
xo
Rubi is a 10 month old Great Dane, she was the runt so really she’s my mini Great Dane, but my big annoying baby girl none the less. She wakes me up several times a night sometimes for no reason at all. It’s hard for me to get back to sleep so this really sucks. I know she can hold her bladder for sometimes longer than 8 hours.
Last night around 3 am she woke me, the usual way, but putting her two front paws up on the bed and whining a bit. I crawl outta bed, take her down stairs and take her out side... she just stands there and looks around. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! After coaxing her and telling her to pee for several minutes she just sniffs a bit and looks around. Grrrr, good way to piss off your human!
She was up again at 5 am playing.
I don’t have a fenced yard yet or I would leave her outside for a while. THOUGH, she would bark at everything and I would have to beat her with a stick if she did that. Kidding. But really, sigh.
She seems to do well in her kennel but I don’t leave her in there at night because she’s in it for the majority of the day.
I couldn’t handle having a baby/kid... so as always, Fally is a NO BABY ZONE!
xo
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Getting it out.
I hate reading about people in love. Give me a fucking break. Sure I’m bitter, I’ve tried many times to trek down that road and each and every time I crawl away with my heart bleeding and my head held even lower than the time before.
I’m a happy smiley person, I am. But I have a angry corner of my being that comes out often. I smile inside – and in secret on the outside when no one is looking – when people break up. Who the shit are you kidding? Nothing lasts forever, fools.
But I have to give kudos to the ones that try. No one wants to end up like me, in a mind like me, in a state like me.
As I sit here and take a deep breath, head pounding from whatever my body lacks, I have to force motivation to do almost anything at all.
Grumble grumble.
It’s just one of those days.
I’m a happy smiley person, I am. But I have a angry corner of my being that comes out often. I smile inside – and in secret on the outside when no one is looking – when people break up. Who the shit are you kidding? Nothing lasts forever, fools.
But I have to give kudos to the ones that try. No one wants to end up like me, in a mind like me, in a state like me.
As I sit here and take a deep breath, head pounding from whatever my body lacks, I have to force motivation to do almost anything at all.
Grumble grumble.
It’s just one of those days.
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