ridiculous

It has been a year and still, a photo or a random reminder of you still makes my heart flutter, that flutter quickly turns into a nauseating pain in my stomach and tears to my eyes. I have to avoid these reminders; I have to push the thoughts of you out of my head. I no longer know you, but the feelings I had for you, in the short time I knew you, were more than ever to be admitted. You changed something in me, you opened something up. Very few have made me feel anything; the anything you brought out in me. One day I will delete the photos, one by one, as a good-bye. Today I actually thought about contacting you. I am ridiculous to wonder if you still think of me. It is all ridiculous. I am ridiculous.

I don’t like feeling like this, I have control over my being and I will change it

Contentment over comes me because I know that you will miss me. While you’re missing me, looking back on your regrets, hurting because of your bullshit decisions, I smile because now you’re hurting like you once hurt me.

In other new...

Life is all over the place lately... well not MY life, everyone else’s life. I believe that keeping things simple in my own world is the only way to roll. My heart aches to those friends of mine that are hurting.

It would seem that relationships, love and honesty isn’t worth anything anymore. It’s horrible. I have actual physical evidence that true love isn’t real, marriage is just a piece of paper that is rarely taken seriously and that I really am - totally and completely - better off alone.

I said something that hit a few hearts “I don’t like feeling like this, I have control over my being and I will change it” I’m not sure if I got that from somewhere or pieces of it somewhere but I don’t have the best memory in the world so some of it has to at least be me. Ha.

And... I just drew a blank on feelings, thought and my mind is moosh.

Fal

Quotes that I want to archive n junk

"Hi, don't mind me, I'm just a quote whore..." ~ Fally

"One day you are going to wake up and realize how much you care about her and how amazing she really is and when that day comes, she'll be waking up next to the guy who already knew." ~ Unknown (But altered a bit by me)

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, Poet

"When they ask me what I liked best, I'll tell them it was you." ~ City of Angels.

"You are the missing pieces to my puzzled heart." ~ Fallon Horne

Today, I am feeble and weak. Today is the end... Until tomorrow, another day to forget. ~ Fallon Horne

"Evil triumphs when good men do nothing." ~ Unknown

Torn between a moral and an embrace. Untouchable. She is not me and she never will be. Irreplaceable. ~ Fallon Horne

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" ~ Mariann Williamson

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left" ~ Marilyn Monroe

RandomBlog

I guess it’s time to update this shit... and let’s try to update this shit with something worth reading, arite Fally?

Sure. Shoot.

October. It’s been a year plus a day since I meet a guy that I actually felt something for in YEARS. The relationship ended abruptly, one month later, when he decided I wasn’t anything to him. I don’t fall like that and I will never let myself do that again.

There’s a foolish fool in all of us... “These foolish games are tearing me apart, and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart...” Yeah I dunno, that song just popped into my noggin.

Anyways...

The Nan and Pops are here for 3 weeks, it’s great spending time with them. They are getting so old, aging so quickly. I hate feeling like time is running out. How horrid. Nothing lasts forever, even more horrid...

Morbid thoughts must leave.

Thanksgiving weekend just passed in Canada. I saw a lot of family, family that live minutes away that I’ll maybe only see once a year. It’s so odd. I enjoy seeing them, even with the weird “strangerness” in the air. These people are really kind of just strangers but we share the same blood or family connection so it gives us reason to gather together, and in this case, eat a big fat bird.

12:12 am. Aren’t I supposed to wish or something? I wish to understand better why “everything happens for a reason”.

4 days ago I stated 365fally. I’m going to take a photo of myself every day for a year. Crazy right? Weird project can be fun. I’m thinking of doing something really neat with all the photos afterwards. We. Shall. See.

I have almost the worst intuition ever. People that I almost hate and are weary about when I first meet them almost always turn into good people and good friends. It’s the people that I trust and fall in love with instantly that I grow to hate because they fuck me over or turn into evil, heartless buttheads. What gives? I should really just go with the opposite of what I initially feel. What a load of junk Fallon, you really need to get with the program, girl!

This just turned into something random. I shall call this RandomBlog. Yes. I think that’s how my brain functions anyways.

Bottom line, I just hope it ends up being something worth reading.

Goodnight. xo

Writing worth sharing

A friend of mine wrote this and it played a bit with my heart strings... writing worth sharing. xo

"You Have Stolen My Heart."

Night,Who decided that saying something to someone along the lines of, "You have stolen my heart" is superbly romantic? I hear it all the time in movies, in songs, in poems, and I honestly don't understand. I mean, I understand what people mean BY IT, but that isn't what the saying actually means. Break it down for yourself if you have to..

You have STOLEN my heart. Honestly, it's more of an accusation. It means that you're walking along on your merry way, and then some jackass out of nowhere comes along and takes it from you without your permission. Why does said stranger feel it is necessary to do this? Was my heart not in good enough hands, safe and sound with me? Is that person better capable of nurturing my heart and deciphering its wants and needs than I am?

I'm not just being stubbornly pessimistic for no reason, honest. I know that when most people hear this phrase they imagine someone coming along unexpectedly and making them fall head over heels, all caught up in some sort of whirlwind romance.. which is great- if you're in a paperback novel with someone half naked on the front.

But it isn't just the taking that bothers me.. it is the keeping. Last night a good friend of mine confessed to me that he still thinks of someone he used to date a long time ago, years. He has moved on, he is in a relationship that is wonderful for him, and his girlfriend is amazing. But he watched a movie.. a very specific movie, and it was just a painful, vivid reminder that maybe his heart doesn't belong to him anymore- nor does it belong to his new girlfriend- it belongs to someone who stole it a long time ago, and he just somehow.. never got it back. To be honest, at this point in time, I don't know if he ever will.

It broke my heart so much, I didn't know how to respond. I was texting him and then, I couldn't even text back anymore because it stirred something in me. It really angers me, this stolen heart business.

I know what some of you are thinking. You're probably thinking that just because you still have feelings for someone special in your past, that doesn't mean you're incapable of moving on and experiencing new love. I myself have loved more than one person, but I'm not just talking about love. I'm talking about someone possessing your thoughts, your desires, your days and nights, your very core. I'm talking about someone entering your life and stealing YOU right out from under you, and then never giving you back when they leave. We didn't allow that to happen.. it just did. One day you wake up, you look around, and you realize your life is wrong and something profound is missing from it, and it makes you angry. It makes you weep, and long for peace, but you'll never know it.

So no my friends, I do not want my heart to be stolen. If I still have any of it left, I want to meekly loan it to someone, and I will be taking collateral. Lots and lots of collateral.

~Crystal Marie Nemchak
(stolen from her Facebook "notes")

Let us get social.

I used to have something to write about every day... What happened to those days? Perhaps with age forgetfulness comes? Or perhaps nothing really matters on that urgent “I gotta blog that” level. In so many ways life seems so much more simple as the years pass by. The elementary of a lot of the drama that went down in younger years was beyond annoying and as I look back, shit, I would kick my own ass.

Anywhoozle. The g’parents are coming for a 3 weeks visit from Ottawa. I love them to pieces, I really do, but in those 3 weeks it will be expected that every free moment I have will be spent with them. I’m a loner, I like my me time. I’m almost positive that this could cause a mental breakdown at some capacity. Meah, they are old, I love them, I will suffer through it.

Work has been slow and boring, I’m making up things to do. Mostly non-work related shit. Not. Good.

Next week starts up the Fall crazyness with my “personal” schedule. Dodgeball 3 days a week, spin and kickball along with the gym, g’parent time and me time. I live for this shit.

I’m now 27 and I suppose it is expected that I am to be married with 10 babies by now... or maybe even divorced with 10 babies and miserable as all hell...? Perhaps? Maybe? Yes? No? I’m asked almost daily how my “love life is” and if there are “any lucky men in my life” or even when I’m going to “settle down”. Ugh. Fo’serious? Why is it almost socially unacceptable to be single and not want kids and to just do it all on your own?

People are crazy, just like me.

Le sigh.
Happy hump day.
I heart you big.

Fal xo

retreat

It was a wickedly rad pity party last night. I’ve been pretty emotional the last few days.

I just gotta start living for me. I’m millimetres away from cutting off the whole world.

It’s a horrible feeling when you literally have no one... sure I have some people to talk to here and there but they have their own shit going on, I’m not going to burden anyone with my issues. I get that everyone has a life and I am and always will be a minimal part of it. It just seems that everyone has that ONE person they can turn to, talk every day, be there for each other, be it a friend or a significant other... I don’t have that. I have a buncha part time friends that give me temporary bursts of their time and short term smiles. I’m sure I’m much to blame for a lot of this as I do push people away at times, but it may also be WHO I choose to associate with. I’m a throw away friend, call me when you really have nothing better to do and everyone else is busy.

Things with brother are still rotten as ever. He spoke with me last week to try and figure things out. Bottom line is that he wants me to accept his relationship... after discussing that he doesn’t want anyone to pretend everything is ok. ??? I wished him well, but cannot be a part of it. Step one of separating myself from uncomfortable shitty situations. I do love him, he’s a great person, but I don’t exactly enjoying watching and hearing the robot he’s transforming into.

I’m taking a step back for awhile. Deactivated Facebook. Minimal online anything. Retreat, retreat... retreat.

I try to make sure everyone is happy around me, sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. I blow up on people that don’t deserve it. I can let my emotions take over some times. I let a lot of things build up and then I just explode.

I’m not enjoying the start to year 27 of my life.

Love thy brother

I write this, tears rumble down my face. After hearing and learning of many things. My brother is now dead to me. Choices he’s made, reflections of a moulded being. My laid back nature, my acceptance to many and to many situations all crumble when someone fucks with my family. Fast forward many years, my future, our future, brother, do you come back, broken and bruised, mind fucked and humbled? Do you still remain as my brother? Do we live and learn? Does and has my involvement made it all worse? Blood is thick, I love you dear brother, but fists full of insanity, poor choices and rotten excuses people would call people storm through that once smoothly paved road. How long do I sit back and let it be without saying a thing? Or do I say my piece, get stomped on and get accused of many other things and let all be... just be? I forget to breath while I write this down, my mind is light yet weighed down heavily. I love you dear brother but I’m letting you go. For now you have made your choice. For now I will be nothing to you.

Alone in never.

I drive alone
To be home, alone
To lie alone
I dream alone.

Alone, I dream of my future.
Things I will do, alone.
Alone, without a thought of you.
I will travel through life,
to see my world, alone

Alone, I will be.
Yesterday.
Today.
Tomorrow.

Forever I will be vacant in heart.
In mind.
In voice.

Alone, by myself.
Which doesn’t,
and will never include you.

Torn between a moral and an embrace.
Untouchable.
She is not me and she never will be.
Irreplaceable.

“I want nothing” - my front.
“I want everything” - my reality.
Fuck my forced temporary sanity.
Bless'ed me for my dreamless slumbers.

Broken heart for Brother

Mary I don’t really want to write this... I’m not even writing this for me or even for you. I’m writing this for Cody as he told me I had to talk to you. I have no burning desire to communicate with you. It kills me to see Cody the way he is. Mary, he’s not the same person he was before he met you. You’ve sucked the life out of that man he's alone and doesn't see the friends he grew up with. I don’t understand how everyone BUT Cody can see that you are manipulative, controlling and damaging.

The reason I’m not talking to you is because when you and Cody broke up you told me that you needed to cut off communication with me. Ok, I respected that. But then you continued to call me several times a day. At that point we are friends on your terms – you could call me at your will but I’m not to communicate with you at mine. What does this sound like to you? AND little did I know... and I realized too late... that you were calling me to gather information on Cody – that’s manipulation at its finest. It FLOORED me when you said that it wasn’t right that he wasn’t hurting enough, he wasn’t showing that he was hurting as much as you... Just so you could hurt him more you manipulated your way back into his life again just to prolong his the agony. Yet YOU told him not to call you, so he didn’t. You didn’t like that either because I guess he was supposed to beg you to love him or something... he didn’t give you enough time, enough opportunity to punish him as much as you wanted – and that really pissed you off. You need some help.

I chose not to talk to you anymore once I figured this all out. Once you death-gripped my brother again, you text me several times which I chose to ignore. I finally replied that I didn’t want to get involved. (You weren’t going to get more info from me) At that time you chose to delete me from your life. Truthfully these have been calm months. I have chosen to keep my comments to myself until recently. I still worried about my brothers well being but I figured in time you would realize what's inevitable.

I’m not sure what you were trying to accomplish on Saturday when you verbally attacked me at Hudson’s. How inappropriate of you... how immature! I didn’t even want you there but I sucked it up and made a bad situation tolerable. I have no intentions of being your friend. You’ve showed me your true colors time and time again. Everyone can see it Mary, everyone. I won’t let you use me or abuse me any longer.

Take a look at your life. You are the common denominator in all your crisis... divorces, friends, problems with your oldest. Is it always someone else’s fault? Someone else’s problem? You say our morals aren’t good enough for you. What about yours? You are dating a man far too young for you – merely twice the age of your oldest child. You moved him in while still married. Jesus, you are on Meds to keep an even keel in life. You left him for days on end with your girls before you really even knew him Mary. You have made Cody deal with one of your X-husbands. You even manipulated him into ripping our mother off for nearly $5000. Because YOU needed the money??? Cody had a responsibility there.

In the car on the way back from Jasper after snowboarding: I have no idea what you guys were arguing about but your fighting technique is impressive. Very manipulative and abusive. The crying and the constant digging. You wouldn’t leave it alone until you forced him to “admit” that he was in the wrong and he had to apologize. Is that a real "win" Mary? I had to sit through hours of it and it was horrible. I can only imagine what every day is like with you. You have no restrictions on your behaviour, no class in dealing with things in private or appropriately. You always want Cody to think that there is something wrong with him.... well Mary, there is something wrong with you and you wag your finger at Cody to camouflage your short comings. You are abusive.

Oh ya, scuba lessons were embarrassing. Everyone there was embarrassed by your behaviour. Even when the instructor tried to shut you down... you just kept on going. In the classroom you were even worse. Is it an attention thing for you Mary? Perhaps you need to look at that. You are old enough to know better. I know mom was mortified as the owner of the place ridiculed her for your performance and told her to get you to “shut the hell up.” How do you think Cody felt when you went on about being a single mom? Well Mary when you were with Cody, you weren’t alone, he was your partner and you made him look worthless. You are very selfish and self serving. I am still ashamed! It was a lot of money to make you part of that Mary... it was worthless and unappreciated. Did you even say thank-you to Mom or Pat?

The few times that I do see my brother you’re constantly calling and I gotta wonder what his days consists of... Can’t you cope on your own? How did you deal with life before he came along???? Leave him the HELL alone when he’s visiting people. Keep your insecurities yours. He doesn’t need to own them for you too. Those who he tries to have a visit with are embarrassed enough for him with your constant badgering. Give him some dignity for God sake.

It saddens me that Cody is so alone. He’s only allowed to hang out with “Mary Approved” friends. It saddens me that we all can’t do the “family thing” anymore because my mother is no longer “Mary Approved”. (and just for the record, Mary isn’t “Family approved”) How do you suppose Cody would have a happy fulfilling life with you if his family can’t be part of it? Is he to sacrifice all this for you? What have you sacrificed Mary?

It also saddens me to no end to see my brother so sad and lifeless. He seems to be scared to even say anything about anything. You’ve made him this way. I’ve said what I’ve wanted to say and I’m prepared for the repercussions. I know that one day, hopefully sooner than later, Cody will realize you’re not the one for him and he is able to move on and I’ll be there for him.

You will probably use this letter to whip him with. Just like you did when Lee spoke his mind after you poked him enough that he responded. What do you expect Mary... that maybe people should allow you abuse them with your tongue and not retaliate. Perhaps that`s what the men in your life tolerate, but people will only put up with you short term. How about you surprise me and keep this email to yourself, appreciate the outside perspective into the way you continually treat people. This is your reality.

randomz

I rather enjoy finding new cool things online that entertain me.

Blogging again is sweet. Oh how I’ve missed thee. Now I just need to decide if I want to share all this with the world. I should probably, eh? I have nothing to hide really. (Except for the dead male hooker under my bead. Har har!)

I’m totally craving something sweet. Rawr. Gimme gimme.

I have been thinking a lot about my younger years, how retardingly stupid I was with some of the things I said and did and how ridiculous some of my choices were. Than again, you always want what you can’t have. Many “What If’s” pass through my thoughts. Very lame of me, if you were to ask me.

Incase I you missed it in the last post, KINGS OF LEON – TOMORROW! WOOOOHOOO! *pees herself* Gunna try and get some pictures. We have better seats than we did with Blink 182... or maybe not. I just looked. We’re in the 100’s but we’re FAR corner. Le sigh. OH WELL! Live music. Joyous me!

I procrastinate. I’m lame like that.
The end.

Insane in the brain, insane in the membrane...

People never cease to amaze me. I figured I’ve seen it all at this point in my life, alas my friends, I haven't.

I love it when an people pick apart everything I say. 99% of the time I’m not serious and MY people know this. TAKE A JOKE. *laugh* It’s pure entertainment! When you turn it all around and take a look at it... you’re the insecure one. *shrug* (*flips hair* Like really, I would be jealous of me too!) As long as what you say makes you feel better and also makes you feel good about yourself than I’m glad I can be some help. (I know she’ll read this too... stalking tendencies never go away and will make insane people even more insane.) Goly Gosh Geez, I’m glad I’m all the way over in Canada, maybe I would have had to deal with actual threats... Then again, I could see some fun in that too.)

Anyways, life is life. I need to get outta this little rut that I’m in. I’m diggin away, the next step will be slow but steady for sure.

KINGS OF LEON – 2 days. *stoked* I’ve waited a long time to see these guys. Instant love affair with my ears, they did have. Ha.

I’m le hunger. THIS WEEK – NO IFS, ANDS or BUTS – 100% Raw diet. Only Fruit and Veggies will be consumed. I’ll aim for a month straight and commit to that. It’s already been 4 months since I’ve consumed any meat product and I’ve also completely cut out soda and most dairy products. All I really drink is water. It’s not as hard as I thought it would be. One step at a time baby!

Time to get some work done.

meah

Another day with no motivation. What the shit, like really?

There’s so much to do at the office and also so much to do at home. None of it gets done. Tsk tsk. My home has so much potential to look warm, welcoming and cozy but I do nothing about it. I think it’s because I share it with 4 roommates that don’t actually care what it looks like most days. Cleaning/chores are rarely done, garbage stacks up and no one cares. Sad really. None the less it’s my house and I do what I can. *shrug*

It’s Friday, thank gawd. Not too much going on but that’s always nice. Perhaps I can sand and paint the trim outside, clean up the garage a little... ect ect ect... Who even knows.

This is a boring blog.

DNE

Do not enter
I cover up a dented emotion with a joke.
My sarcasm is my undercover shield which protects me from all that will harm me.
I wear a sign on back that reads "Fuck me" and an "L" on my forehead.
No one will get me down. No one will see me down.
I live inside myself, my own little domain.
There is no way to penetrate my essence.
My apprehension only shows through faintly evident shaking.
I fear everything but my shield is my refuge.
My straight emotionless facade is my haven.
I'm the conqueror of my daily internal battle.
Victory is mine.

Camping, Pee, Poo and a storm.

Puppy Rubi, my side kick Amanda and I set out on our camping execution Friday night after I was done work. With the Xterra loaded with 99% of borrowed camping goods (Thanks Mom xo), we were both excited to get out of the city to “rough” it.

It was a very hot and beautiful Friday. We arrived at our camp site around 6 pm and started setting up right away. Amanda’s new tent was pretty easily set up but the tent that I had was another story. We weren’t at all familiar with it and it was somewhat of an adventure to assemble but we rigged it up well enough so that it was sleep-able and work-able. (We found the exact same tent on a walk we took later in the evening that we took a picture of it. It actually helped haha!)

I set up my car-plug in air pump and hooked it up to my air mattress but it didn’t seem to be pumping up too quickly. After an hour of pumping it still didn't look “fat” so I called up Kristi and Don (who lived minutes away from where we were camping in the Town of Wabamun) and begged for pumped air assistance... after Don blew up the mattress with his air pump and lungs (love you long time xo) we discovered a large hole in the side. DOH! I was kinda sad and tried to figure out what I was going to sleep on... The Paskos’ remembered a foam mattress at good ol’ mom and dads. I had something to sleep on! I was at that point a “Happy Camper” and we headed back to the camp site.

Around 12 am we headed to our tents for bed. I was getting ready to crawl into my sleeping bag and I smelt something, something musky and wet... ‘err it was pee! I used my phone as light and saw that Rubi, AFTER being outside for almost 6 hours straight, had decided to pee on her bed as well as my pillow. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I looked at Rubi cowering in the corner, SHE TOTALLY KNEW she fucked up. Grrr! (With annoyance and anger I beat the dog and kicked her outside of the tent for the night... kidding.) I threw the pee-pillow and pee-bed outside and used my hand sanitizer on the bottom of the tent to clean up the mess. Clean and no more pee smell – (YAY!) It was finally bed time. Rubi didn’t like the fact that she now had to sleep on the rock-bottomed tent and couldn’t seem to get comfortable - I laughed at her (really I did.) and went to sleep... later being woken up by her finding comfort refuge at my feet. (She’s lucky she’s so cute.)

Saturday morning I get a call from Kristi inviting us over for pancakes! Hellz yeah! (This was totally roughin’ it - shut up!) Amanda was sleepy so I left her in her tent. I had a shower and ate some yummy pancakes. Once we were finished we see Amanda walking up to the house. She found her way to their house and had only been there once! That girl gots skills!

I lathered myself in a bath of SPF 50 and we hit up Wabamun beach, it was SOOO busy! I tried to get Rubi use to the water and after dragging her into the boat launch area (hehe!) she seemed to warm up to it. We played some SloPitch and laid around for a bit eating peas and cherries (wicked combo if you ask me). After heading back to our site, eating and taking a short nap we headed back to the beach to meet up with some friends. Ignoring the "NO DOG" signs and seeing many other people bringing their dogs on the beach we headed down to the water with Rubi and the kids. We all played in the water and after several minutes let Rubi off her leash. Most of the people had headed home because of the incoming storm so it seemed to be a good idea at the time. After laughing and playing with Rubi in the water, watching her jump around and play she decided to... squat down and start to poop IN THE WATER! OMG! *shame* (Why IN the water??) All I could think of is the scene in Marley & Me where Marley took a poop in the water and thinking “THIS is why dogs aren’t allowed on the beach!” There were several gasps and some laughter from onlookers. Le sigh. I attempted to “catch” the poop with a poo bag but had little to no luck with that. That was the end of that play time; it was fun while it lasted.

The sky started to get ugly and the wind picked up... I was getting weather update texts from The Weather Network “Severe thunder storm warnings” and the sky didn’t lie. We decided to pack ‘er up and head home before we were stuck in the middle of the storm in our dinky little tents. (After seeing all the damage this morning, I was glad we decided to call it quits.)

The drive home was a little scary, it was hard to see the road and the sky was constantly lit up from the lightening - but we made it! We ran into the house leaving the car still packed and jumped into our snuggley warm beds.

Overall, I had a great time. It was nice to get away and nothing was going to set me back. I’m always up for an adventure – even with little dirty side adventures. LOL!

I Flip Floped

I went through 3 stages...

When I was younger, I didn’t care that people read or saw anything I posted on the Worldly Widely Web. Xanga and MySpace consumed my internet addiction at the time (though, I haven’t used either of those for years now). A whole buncha’ internet drama and real life drama went down a some years ago and I blocked everything and everyone and completely closed myself off from the world.

BUT! I’m back! I know those people are still out there lurking and getting off on the fact that they found something about me. (Good on ya guys, be sure to bookmark your findings and stalk the shit outta me every chance you get in your boring existence.) Yes, my friends, I’m back to not caring again. I love writing! I missed it and I didn’t do it for a very long time. It’s my outlet and my therapy and even though I’m pretty sure that hardly anyone reads my junk – it’s more of me anyways and I think it always has been.

I started this site because it’s so easy to use. Xanga was so friggin’ complicated. Facebook doesn’t have a blog but should. (Yes, there is a “Note” section but it’s kinda lame.) I share random thoughts and whining moments on my Facebook status and now Twitter but here I’ll write down my real junk.... Mmm junk. Haha!

If you’re reading this, thanks for comin’ by! If anything, I’ll have a more positive thread of writings and something to look back at when I’m old(er) and gray(er).

xo

Puppy Love

Puppy is going to be the death of me.

Rubi is a 10 month old Great Dane, she was the runt so really she’s my mini Great Dane, but my big annoying baby girl none the less. She wakes me up several times a night sometimes for no reason at all. It’s hard for me to get back to sleep so this really sucks. I know she can hold her bladder for sometimes longer than 8 hours.

Last night around 3 am she woke me, the usual way, but putting her two front paws up on the bed and whining a bit. I crawl outta bed, take her down stairs and take her out side... she just stands there and looks around. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! After coaxing her and telling her to pee for several minutes she just sniffs a bit and looks around. Grrrr, good way to piss off your human!

She was up again at 5 am playing.

I don’t have a fenced yard yet or I would leave her outside for a while. THOUGH, she would bark at everything and I would have to beat her with a stick if she did that. Kidding. But really, sigh.

She seems to do well in her kennel but I don’t leave her in there at night because she’s in it for the majority of the day.

I couldn’t handle having a baby/kid... so as always, Fally is a NO BABY ZONE!

xo

Getting it out.

I hate reading about people in love. Give me a fucking break. Sure I’m bitter, I’ve tried many times to trek down that road and each and every time I crawl away with my heart bleeding and my head held even lower than the time before.

I’m a happy smiley person, I am. But I have a angry corner of my being that comes out often. I smile inside – and in secret on the outside when no one is looking – when people break up. Who the shit are you kidding? Nothing lasts forever, fools.

But I have to give kudos to the ones that try. No one wants to end up like me, in a mind like me, in a state like me.

As I sit here and take a deep breath, head pounding from whatever my body lacks, I have to force motivation to do almost anything at all.

Grumble grumble.

It’s just one of those days.