Let us get social.

I used to have something to write about every day... What happened to those days? Perhaps with age forgetfulness comes? Or perhaps nothing really matters on that urgent “I gotta blog that” level. In so many ways life seems so much more simple as the years pass by. The elementary of a lot of the drama that went down in younger years was beyond annoying and as I look back, shit, I would kick my own ass.

Anywhoozle. The g’parents are coming for a 3 weeks visit from Ottawa. I love them to pieces, I really do, but in those 3 weeks it will be expected that every free moment I have will be spent with them. I’m a loner, I like my me time. I’m almost positive that this could cause a mental breakdown at some capacity. Meah, they are old, I love them, I will suffer through it.

Work has been slow and boring, I’m making up things to do. Mostly non-work related shit. Not. Good.

Next week starts up the Fall crazyness with my “personal” schedule. Dodgeball 3 days a week, spin and kickball along with the gym, g’parent time and me time. I live for this shit.

I’m now 27 and I suppose it is expected that I am to be married with 10 babies by now... or maybe even divorced with 10 babies and miserable as all hell...? Perhaps? Maybe? Yes? No? I’m asked almost daily how my “love life is” and if there are “any lucky men in my life” or even when I’m going to “settle down”. Ugh. Fo’serious? Why is it almost socially unacceptable to be single and not want kids and to just do it all on your own?

People are crazy, just like me.

Le sigh.
Happy hump day.
I heart you big.

Fal xo

retreat

It was a wickedly rad pity party last night. I’ve been pretty emotional the last few days.

I just gotta start living for me. I’m millimetres away from cutting off the whole world.

It’s a horrible feeling when you literally have no one... sure I have some people to talk to here and there but they have their own shit going on, I’m not going to burden anyone with my issues. I get that everyone has a life and I am and always will be a minimal part of it. It just seems that everyone has that ONE person they can turn to, talk every day, be there for each other, be it a friend or a significant other... I don’t have that. I have a buncha part time friends that give me temporary bursts of their time and short term smiles. I’m sure I’m much to blame for a lot of this as I do push people away at times, but it may also be WHO I choose to associate with. I’m a throw away friend, call me when you really have nothing better to do and everyone else is busy.

Things with brother are still rotten as ever. He spoke with me last week to try and figure things out. Bottom line is that he wants me to accept his relationship... after discussing that he doesn’t want anyone to pretend everything is ok. ??? I wished him well, but cannot be a part of it. Step one of separating myself from uncomfortable shitty situations. I do love him, he’s a great person, but I don’t exactly enjoying watching and hearing the robot he’s transforming into.

I’m taking a step back for awhile. Deactivated Facebook. Minimal online anything. Retreat, retreat... retreat.

I try to make sure everyone is happy around me, sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. I blow up on people that don’t deserve it. I can let my emotions take over some times. I let a lot of things build up and then I just explode.

I’m not enjoying the start to year 27 of my life.