I don’t like feeling like this, I have control over my being and I will change it

Contentment over comes me because I know that you will miss me. While you’re missing me, looking back on your regrets, hurting because of your bullshit decisions, I smile because now you’re hurting like you once hurt me.

In other new...

Life is all over the place lately... well not MY life, everyone else’s life. I believe that keeping things simple in my own world is the only way to roll. My heart aches to those friends of mine that are hurting.

It would seem that relationships, love and honesty isn’t worth anything anymore. It’s horrible. I have actual physical evidence that true love isn’t real, marriage is just a piece of paper that is rarely taken seriously and that I really am - totally and completely - better off alone.

I said something that hit a few hearts “I don’t like feeling like this, I have control over my being and I will change it” I’m not sure if I got that from somewhere or pieces of it somewhere but I don’t have the best memory in the world so some of it has to at least be me. Ha.

And... I just drew a blank on feelings, thought and my mind is moosh.

Fal

Quotes that I want to archive n junk

"Hi, don't mind me, I'm just a quote whore..." ~ Fally

"One day you are going to wake up and realize how much you care about her and how amazing she really is and when that day comes, she'll be waking up next to the guy who already knew." ~ Unknown (But altered a bit by me)

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, Poet

"When they ask me what I liked best, I'll tell them it was you." ~ City of Angels.

"You are the missing pieces to my puzzled heart." ~ Fallon Horne

Today, I am feeble and weak. Today is the end... Until tomorrow, another day to forget. ~ Fallon Horne

"Evil triumphs when good men do nothing." ~ Unknown

Torn between a moral and an embrace. Untouchable. She is not me and she never will be. Irreplaceable. ~ Fallon Horne

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" ~ Mariann Williamson

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left" ~ Marilyn Monroe

RandomBlog

I guess it’s time to update this shit... and let’s try to update this shit with something worth reading, arite Fally?

Sure. Shoot.

October. It’s been a year plus a day since I meet a guy that I actually felt something for in YEARS. The relationship ended abruptly, one month later, when he decided I wasn’t anything to him. I don’t fall like that and I will never let myself do that again.

There’s a foolish fool in all of us... “These foolish games are tearing me apart, and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart...” Yeah I dunno, that song just popped into my noggin.

Anyways...

The Nan and Pops are here for 3 weeks, it’s great spending time with them. They are getting so old, aging so quickly. I hate feeling like time is running out. How horrid. Nothing lasts forever, even more horrid...

Morbid thoughts must leave.

Thanksgiving weekend just passed in Canada. I saw a lot of family, family that live minutes away that I’ll maybe only see once a year. It’s so odd. I enjoy seeing them, even with the weird “strangerness” in the air. These people are really kind of just strangers but we share the same blood or family connection so it gives us reason to gather together, and in this case, eat a big fat bird.

12:12 am. Aren’t I supposed to wish or something? I wish to understand better why “everything happens for a reason”.

4 days ago I stated 365fally. I’m going to take a photo of myself every day for a year. Crazy right? Weird project can be fun. I’m thinking of doing something really neat with all the photos afterwards. We. Shall. See.

I have almost the worst intuition ever. People that I almost hate and are weary about when I first meet them almost always turn into good people and good friends. It’s the people that I trust and fall in love with instantly that I grow to hate because they fuck me over or turn into evil, heartless buttheads. What gives? I should really just go with the opposite of what I initially feel. What a load of junk Fallon, you really need to get with the program, girl!

This just turned into something random. I shall call this RandomBlog. Yes. I think that’s how my brain functions anyways.

Bottom line, I just hope it ends up being something worth reading.

Goodnight. xo

Writing worth sharing

A friend of mine wrote this and it played a bit with my heart strings... writing worth sharing. xo

"You Have Stolen My Heart."

Night,Who decided that saying something to someone along the lines of, "You have stolen my heart" is superbly romantic? I hear it all the time in movies, in songs, in poems, and I honestly don't understand. I mean, I understand what people mean BY IT, but that isn't what the saying actually means. Break it down for yourself if you have to..

You have STOLEN my heart. Honestly, it's more of an accusation. It means that you're walking along on your merry way, and then some jackass out of nowhere comes along and takes it from you without your permission. Why does said stranger feel it is necessary to do this? Was my heart not in good enough hands, safe and sound with me? Is that person better capable of nurturing my heart and deciphering its wants and needs than I am?

I'm not just being stubbornly pessimistic for no reason, honest. I know that when most people hear this phrase they imagine someone coming along unexpectedly and making them fall head over heels, all caught up in some sort of whirlwind romance.. which is great- if you're in a paperback novel with someone half naked on the front.

But it isn't just the taking that bothers me.. it is the keeping. Last night a good friend of mine confessed to me that he still thinks of someone he used to date a long time ago, years. He has moved on, he is in a relationship that is wonderful for him, and his girlfriend is amazing. But he watched a movie.. a very specific movie, and it was just a painful, vivid reminder that maybe his heart doesn't belong to him anymore- nor does it belong to his new girlfriend- it belongs to someone who stole it a long time ago, and he just somehow.. never got it back. To be honest, at this point in time, I don't know if he ever will.

It broke my heart so much, I didn't know how to respond. I was texting him and then, I couldn't even text back anymore because it stirred something in me. It really angers me, this stolen heart business.

I know what some of you are thinking. You're probably thinking that just because you still have feelings for someone special in your past, that doesn't mean you're incapable of moving on and experiencing new love. I myself have loved more than one person, but I'm not just talking about love. I'm talking about someone possessing your thoughts, your desires, your days and nights, your very core. I'm talking about someone entering your life and stealing YOU right out from under you, and then never giving you back when they leave. We didn't allow that to happen.. it just did. One day you wake up, you look around, and you realize your life is wrong and something profound is missing from it, and it makes you angry. It makes you weep, and long for peace, but you'll never know it.

So no my friends, I do not want my heart to be stolen. If I still have any of it left, I want to meekly loan it to someone, and I will be taking collateral. Lots and lots of collateral.

~Crystal Marie Nemchak
(stolen from her Facebook "notes")