Arite peoples! GIMME YOUR MONIES! jkjk... kinda. ;) I have never done anything like this before, so this while "bike" and fundraising world is new to me! Please support me in the RONA MS Bike Tour and make a difference in the life of someone living with MS... Every little bit helps! xo
MS Society of Canada:
http://msofs.mssociety.ca/2010Bike/Sponsor.aspx?PID=1177463&L=2
^^ clicky click to support moi! xo
-Fally
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Sorryish
Hey, if anyone actually reads this anyways haha... I just deleted an old blog and wanted to save some of my writing so that's why I just blasted blogger with a whole buncha' "new" posts. Forgive me if you find this annoying. This place is kinda just for me anyway and I had to save some of it.
Oh memories.
xo
Oh memories.
xo
It marred her heart
(a shortstoryramblewriting)
I hate all that is today.
Most days I am fine.
Some days are so hard.
Most days I really try not to feel anything at all.
I don’t win.
Your memory wins over all.
Weeks later I still can’t even look at our photos.
Your photos.
Photos that reflect happy.
Regret?
Not really.
Well, perhaps.
I would press rewind.
Press delete.
To forget.
Never to remember.
To know.
Never to know.
What it’s like to miss you.
I try to forget your face
Your eyes
Your laugh.
Our touch.
Do I really even know you?
Please call, please write.
Please care.
I leave you be.
It is you that didn’t want to be with me.
I have given up most hope…
that perhaps one day soon,
you’ll realize that really,
I’m the one for you.
This is hard
This isn’t me.
It shouldn’t be.
You should be…
… mine.
This is easy for you.
Did you even care at all?
You didn't care enough.
I am the fool that fell for it all.
Blinded. Retarded.
Today, I am feeble, weak.
Today is the end...
Until tomorrow.
Another day to forget.
.12.23.08.
I hate all that is today.
Most days I am fine.
Some days are so hard.
Most days I really try not to feel anything at all.
I don’t win.
Your memory wins over all.
Weeks later I still can’t even look at our photos.
Your photos.
Photos that reflect happy.
Regret?
Not really.
Well, perhaps.
I would press rewind.
Press delete.
To forget.
Never to remember.
To know.
Never to know.
What it’s like to miss you.
I try to forget your face
Your eyes
Your laugh.
Our touch.
Do I really even know you?
Please call, please write.
Please care.
I leave you be.
It is you that didn’t want to be with me.
I have given up most hope…
that perhaps one day soon,
you’ll realize that really,
I’m the one for you.
This is hard
This isn’t me.
It shouldn’t be.
You should be…
… mine.
This is easy for you.
Did you even care at all?
You didn't care enough.
I am the fool that fell for it all.
Blinded. Retarded.
Today, I am feeble, weak.
Today is the end...
Until tomorrow.
Another day to forget.
.12.23.08.
BEYOND FREE
Beyond my control,
I fell for you instantly.
Beyond my control,
you broke me suddenly.
Took me years to feel.
Years to care,
longer to love.
Only moments to lose it all.
You "got" me when,
I was "too much" for many.
I'm told I will find someone that,
"fits me like a puzzle piece".
You were supposed to be,
the missing pieces to my puzzle’d heart.
Your emotionless break up haunts me.
Not a tear.
Not a fear.
As though there was nothing,
Ever.
My love isn't supposed to,
throw me away.
My love isn't supposed to,
hurt like this.
Only threads keep me,
sewn to a once loving memory.
Within my control
I will no longer feel
Within my control
I will break free
Written January 2009
I fell for you instantly.
Beyond my control,
you broke me suddenly.
Took me years to feel.
Years to care,
longer to love.
Only moments to lose it all.
You "got" me when,
I was "too much" for many.
I'm told I will find someone that,
"fits me like a puzzle piece".
You were supposed to be,
the missing pieces to my puzzle’d heart.
Your emotionless break up haunts me.
Not a tear.
Not a fear.
As though there was nothing,
Ever.
My love isn't supposed to,
throw me away.
My love isn't supposed to,
hurt like this.
Only threads keep me,
sewn to a once loving memory.
Within my control
I will no longer feel
Within my control
I will break free
Written January 2009
Quote
"Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't"
-Bonnie Raitt
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't"
-Bonnie Raitt
Just an old post I wanted to keep...
I should be sleeping but my mind is attempting to defuse an email I received this morning that will never be replied to. (Thus making the defusing thinking thoughts kind of really ridiculous.) (The things we do in our minds that waste away many moments that could be better spent.) This will be the one and only time I will allow myself to think about it and as soon as the clock strikes midnight I will never speak of it again and all that is beautiful will turn into a pumpkin (even though I prefer squash) and it will be only a mere memory of someone I thought I once knew.
I don't even know how to reply to the email, but perhaps this “Note” is my reply... the unsent version that will never be read by its intender.
Writing is my outlet. (I’ve missed thee.)
It's interesting how so many people can walk in and out of our lives and how each step impacts it differently leaving minimal or great big (honking stomping) footprints.
We walk through a mall, strangers walk by, having little to no impact and little to no interaction - looks, glances maybe even (on a rare occasion) a smile is exchanged – and forgetting about them seconds later. How wonderful it would be if we could do that with people who have made large (honking stomping?) footprints on our lives… Where we could choose to forget those people seconds later, minimizing or brushing away the footprint they left on our life.
Fuck you with your fucked up past. It’s unfortunate, and to some degree I don’t blame you but I thought you were stronger, I would hope that it would never become an excuse. Perhaps it’s not even your past, perhaps it’s just who you are. Unfortunate.
I sat there telling you with a face full of tears that it's ok to let people love and care about you. You are worthy of loving and being loved. Don’t give up because this is something rare, amazing, wonderful. Let me love you. All I received from you, all you bothered to give me is your emotionless blankness stare of nothingness. Wasted breath, these words mean nothing to you.
Thank you for that.
I wonder how long it took you to realize that I was right. Do you think you are worthy of my love now? I wonder how much longer it took you to realize that you had made a mistake and crushed (and lost) an amazing girl that "got you".
Do I wish that you are left with life long, lingering regret that you would choose to think about only on lonely nights, which happens to be every night? I don’t wish that but I want you to feel SOMETHING, and I think you finally have.
I wasn't mad for the longest time. I was hurt for the longest time. Truth be told, no one has made me feel like you made me feel (The good and the bad) but I had many many days to force myself into to making myself realize that I am worthy of many many things that aren’t you.
Times up.
Shame on me.
Blessed me.
January 20, 2009
I don't even know how to reply to the email, but perhaps this “Note” is my reply... the unsent version that will never be read by its intender.
Writing is my outlet. (I’ve missed thee.)
It's interesting how so many people can walk in and out of our lives and how each step impacts it differently leaving minimal or great big (honking stomping) footprints.
We walk through a mall, strangers walk by, having little to no impact and little to no interaction - looks, glances maybe even (on a rare occasion) a smile is exchanged – and forgetting about them seconds later. How wonderful it would be if we could do that with people who have made large (honking stomping?) footprints on our lives… Where we could choose to forget those people seconds later, minimizing or brushing away the footprint they left on our life.
Fuck you with your fucked up past. It’s unfortunate, and to some degree I don’t blame you but I thought you were stronger, I would hope that it would never become an excuse. Perhaps it’s not even your past, perhaps it’s just who you are. Unfortunate.
I sat there telling you with a face full of tears that it's ok to let people love and care about you. You are worthy of loving and being loved. Don’t give up because this is something rare, amazing, wonderful. Let me love you. All I received from you, all you bothered to give me is your emotionless blankness stare of nothingness. Wasted breath, these words mean nothing to you.
Thank you for that.
I wonder how long it took you to realize that I was right. Do you think you are worthy of my love now? I wonder how much longer it took you to realize that you had made a mistake and crushed (and lost) an amazing girl that "got you".
Do I wish that you are left with life long, lingering regret that you would choose to think about only on lonely nights, which happens to be every night? I don’t wish that but I want you to feel SOMETHING, and I think you finally have.
I wasn't mad for the longest time. I was hurt for the longest time. Truth be told, no one has made me feel like you made me feel (The good and the bad) but I had many many days to force myself into to making myself realize that I am worthy of many many things that aren’t you.
Times up.
Shame on me.
Blessed me.
January 20, 2009
soft&HARD
Soft Thoughts
As soft thoughts come to me
I think of what could be
I often feel grave pain
But it seems to trickle away with the rain
I know that sometimes you should care
But do I mention it, I shouldn’t dare
For all this love I have for you
Does it feel as though our time is due?
Be my shoulder
Then be my molder
I am here for you now
Like you were for me then
Hard Thoughts
As hard thoughts come to me
I start to realize what I see
I open my eyes to seek my gain
Yet all I see is a dark painless stain
All I seem to do is stare
All in life cannot be fair
What I tell, you already knew
What I’ve felt you’ve felt too
I am your true holder
Yet the days with you get colder
Be here for me now
Like I was for you then
Written over 10 years ago.
As soft thoughts come to me
I think of what could be
I often feel grave pain
But it seems to trickle away with the rain
I know that sometimes you should care
But do I mention it, I shouldn’t dare
For all this love I have for you
Does it feel as though our time is due?
Be my shoulder
Then be my molder
I am here for you now
Like you were for me then
Hard Thoughts
As hard thoughts come to me
I start to realize what I see
I open my eyes to seek my gain
Yet all I see is a dark painless stain
All I seem to do is stare
All in life cannot be fair
What I tell, you already knew
What I’ve felt you’ve felt too
I am your true holder
Yet the days with you get colder
Be here for me now
Like I was for you then
Written over 10 years ago.
UnSpoken
You are my weakness
I don’t want to start this again…
Again I don’t know that I can finish.
When I look at you I see this amazing, beautiful human being.
I see the biggest sweetest heart.
I see future, I see love.
When I’m with you I can’t be anything but myself.
I don’t have to pretend anything.
All my smiles are real, my laughs genuine, as are all my touches.
I’m so at ease in your presence.
Why are there trees, mountains, skies and worlds between us.
And between us, why is there history, people, words and the unsaid.
Why is it that I can’t make it all work in my head?
After all is said…
I will never ask anything of you.
Never again.
Written September 16, 2007
I don’t want to start this again…
Again I don’t know that I can finish.
When I look at you I see this amazing, beautiful human being.
I see the biggest sweetest heart.
I see future, I see love.
When I’m with you I can’t be anything but myself.
I don’t have to pretend anything.
All my smiles are real, my laughs genuine, as are all my touches.
I’m so at ease in your presence.
Why are there trees, mountains, skies and worlds between us.
And between us, why is there history, people, words and the unsaid.
Why is it that I can’t make it all work in my head?
After all is said…
I will never ask anything of you.
Never again.
Written September 16, 2007
battement de coeur
On our last night together, I started crying because I was so scared of the unknown, you wrapped your arms around me, held me so close... I felt your heartbeat in your neck on my cheek. It was beating so strongly. I stopped crying and focused on that. I thought: that heart is beating for me. I have nothing to worry about, this man would never hurt me, he will be true to me, show me the respect that I showed him, and never ever let me go.
I told myself I would never forget that moment... feeling your heart beat for ME.
Something that made me stop crying now only makes me cry.
(Written years ago)
I told myself I would never forget that moment... feeling your heart beat for ME.
Something that made me stop crying now only makes me cry.
(Written years ago)
G'bye
Goodbye to all that is meaningless and impersonal...
I really haven't written anything in ages. I haven't really had anything worth writing. When all you can do is lay in the dark and try and keep your mind off the pain you are in, your mind has a lot of time to wander and explore and poke at so many things... Choices you've made... The people around you... Who you love... Who you want... Who to bother with... Who is the one to make you smile... Who you want around to make you smile. What a weird little life I lead. I'm not the greatest person I can be, I know this. I make poor choices and I'm not always there for my friends when they need me, but I do try. There a select few that mean the world to me and I would do anything in my power to help them when they need it or just to go that extra step... My life is a cluster fuck of endless nothingness. Confusing. Unsure. Unaware of so many things I should be wide eyed and conscience to. Its like there is a patch over my eye, I'm seeing only half of everything where I should be seeing so much more. What is it that I'm missing? What will make me feel whole? What will make me feel content? Complete?... Is it love? Companionship? Money? Would it be a things? Material items? What would make me feel okay with everything?
...and yet, I can't even write out anything that makes sense enough for me to feel content and some what happy with my "now"
Written years ago.
I really haven't written anything in ages. I haven't really had anything worth writing. When all you can do is lay in the dark and try and keep your mind off the pain you are in, your mind has a lot of time to wander and explore and poke at so many things... Choices you've made... The people around you... Who you love... Who you want... Who to bother with... Who is the one to make you smile... Who you want around to make you smile. What a weird little life I lead. I'm not the greatest person I can be, I know this. I make poor choices and I'm not always there for my friends when they need me, but I do try. There a select few that mean the world to me and I would do anything in my power to help them when they need it or just to go that extra step... My life is a cluster fuck of endless nothingness. Confusing. Unsure. Unaware of so many things I should be wide eyed and conscience to. Its like there is a patch over my eye, I'm seeing only half of everything where I should be seeing so much more. What is it that I'm missing? What will make me feel whole? What will make me feel content? Complete?... Is it love? Companionship? Money? Would it be a things? Material items? What would make me feel okay with everything?
...and yet, I can't even write out anything that makes sense enough for me to feel content and some what happy with my "now"
Written years ago.
:Humble Affliction:
Deformity is emphasized And is reconstructed
Through my eyes
Fractured thoughts linger
Cruel injustice plays a singer
With vocalized compression
Impotence is my -
Humble affliction
Written years ago.
Through my eyes
Fractured thoughts linger
Cruel injustice plays a singer
With vocalized compression
Impotence is my -
Humble affliction
Written years ago.
Through my eyes...
As much as she drives the insanity within me to bubble and blister on a regular basis, and there are moments we drive each other nuts, but I love her to pieces... she's an amazing, giving, loving person. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is my hero. She is my Mother. xo
Written years ago.
Written years ago.
Moose!
I wrote this a few years ago when I was doing some hot shot driving up in Grande Prairie… this still makes me laugh.
I would always say "I never see Moose! Everyone says they see Moose all the time, and I've seen MAYBE two in my whole life!" (You know "Moose"... Like the two "Canadian" Moose in Brother Bear, not the dude from the Archie comics.)
Last night, on my 12 hour drive from Grande Prairie to an oil rig out side of Grande Cache, I shit you not, I saw 30+ moose! It was like there was a McMoose Family Reunion or they were having their Winter Festival and the meeting place was "The Highway".
I saw baby moose, momma moose and daddy moose! Some where wandering around the road (Maybe they like the "clicky-click, cloppity clop" of their hooves on the pavement?) or trotting along side the highway. Some were just hanging out in the ditch, while others were sticking by the tree line.
They kind of just sneak up on you. It’s the darkest dark when you’re up north in the middle of nowhere at 1 am. I would hit the breaks and yell "BASTARD!" (Or the occasional "Shithead") when one was on or really close to the road. (Sorry for calling you names Mr. (Miss?) Moose, you're cute but you nor I wants to get hurt!)
I think Moose are cute huge bastards, but when it comes down to Moose vs little 3/4 ton Chevy pick-up... Mr Le Moose wins... hands down!
So I FINALLY got to see the all mighty Canadian Moose! I've seen a life time supply of the them!… SO YEAH I'm good... can ya'll stay off the roads now!?
I would always say "I never see Moose! Everyone says they see Moose all the time, and I've seen MAYBE two in my whole life!" (You know "Moose"... Like the two "Canadian" Moose in Brother Bear, not the dude from the Archie comics.)
Last night, on my 12 hour drive from Grande Prairie to an oil rig out side of Grande Cache, I shit you not, I saw 30+ moose! It was like there was a McMoose Family Reunion or they were having their Winter Festival and the meeting place was "The Highway".
I saw baby moose, momma moose and daddy moose! Some where wandering around the road (Maybe they like the "clicky-click, cloppity clop" of their hooves on the pavement?) or trotting along side the highway. Some were just hanging out in the ditch, while others were sticking by the tree line.
They kind of just sneak up on you. It’s the darkest dark when you’re up north in the middle of nowhere at 1 am. I would hit the breaks and yell "BASTARD!" (Or the occasional "Shithead") when one was on or really close to the road. (Sorry for calling you names Mr. (Miss?) Moose, you're cute but you nor I wants to get hurt!)
I think Moose are cute huge bastards, but when it comes down to Moose vs little 3/4 ton Chevy pick-up... Mr Le Moose wins... hands down!
So I FINALLY got to see the all mighty Canadian Moose! I've seen a life time supply of the them!… SO YEAH I'm good... can ya'll stay off the roads now!?
DNE
DO NOT ENTER
I cover up a dented emotion with a joke.
My sarcasm is my undercover shield which protects me from all that will harm me.
I wear a sign on back that reads "Fuck me" and an "L" on my forehead.
No one will get me down. No one will see me down.
I live inside myself, my own domain.
There is no way to penetrate my essence.
My apprehension only shows through faintly evident shaking.
I fear everything but my shield is my refuge.
My straight emotionless facade is my haven.
I'm the conqueror of my daily internal battle.
Victory is mine.
Fally
7/2006
I cover up a dented emotion with a joke.
My sarcasm is my undercover shield which protects me from all that will harm me.
I wear a sign on back that reads "Fuck me" and an "L" on my forehead.
No one will get me down. No one will see me down.
I live inside myself, my own domain.
There is no way to penetrate my essence.
My apprehension only shows through faintly evident shaking.
I fear everything but my shield is my refuge.
My straight emotionless facade is my haven.
I'm the conqueror of my daily internal battle.
Victory is mine.
Fally
7/2006
9.16.08
“I want nothing” my front
“I want everything” my reality.
Fuck my forced temporary sanity.
Bless'ed me for my dreamless slumbers.
Fally
9.16.08
“I want everything” my reality.
Fuck my forced temporary sanity.
Bless'ed me for my dreamless slumbers.
Fally
9.16.08
9.10.08
Torn between a moral and an embrace.
Untouchable.
She is not me and she never will be.
Irreplaceable.
Fally
9.10.08
Untouchable.
She is not me and she never will be.
Irreplaceable.
Fally
9.10.08
A heart emotion medley
Baby, when we first met, I never felt something so strong. You were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it. All of a sudden you went and left I didn't know how to follow, it's like a shock that spun me around and now my heart's dead. I feel so empty and hollow. I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you. Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you? It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back… Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept you'll do anything for the one you love 'cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there it's like you were my favorite drug.
Your love is pouring like the rain, I close my eyes and it’s gone again. When will I get the chance to say I love you? I pretend that you're already mine and my heart ain't breaking every time I look into your eyes. Give me just a second and I'll be alright. Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart. Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay, just another day and then I'll hold you tight. If only I could get through this.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done it gets hard but it won’t take away my love. I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight it's only you and me.
But you're just a boy, you don’t understand how it feels to love a girl someday you’ll wish you were a better man. You don’t listen to her, you don’t care how it hurts until you lose the one you wanted cause you've taken her for granted and everything you had got destroyed.
This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start. I honestly believed in you, holding on, the days drag on. Stupid girl, I should have known… That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down… ‘Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m gonna find someone, some day who might actually treat me well.
Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes, I never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand. I had so many dreams about you and me.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago hoping I would find true love along the broken road, but I got lost a time or two wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.
Some say love is not for sinners, I believe that isn't true 'cause when I was finished sinning love came down and showed me you. You told me how to get there so I tried to find a way, then I ran into your garden but I tripped out the gate… What are you doing to me? I'm so into you and the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through. You're slowly killing me and I wish it wasn't true ‘cause I'm so into you. Can you hear me? ‘Cause I can't change what I'll always be
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see, you belong with me. Yeah, life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve. Me, I swung and I missed and the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing... Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes, like you would be back again.
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain, I put on that old song we danced to and then I head off to my job, guess not much has changed, punch the clock, head for home, check the phone, just in case, go to bed, dream of you, that's what I'm doin' these days.
Now as the summer fades I let you slip away, you say I'm not your type but I can make you sway. It makes me burn to learn you're not the only one, I'd let you be if you put down your blazing gun. Now you've gone somewhere else, far away, I don't know if I will find you.
What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin' to do.
Wise men say only fools rush in but I cant help falling in love with you. Shall I stay, would it be a sin if I cant help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the sea darling so it goes some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I cant help falling in love with you
Hope you’re doing fine out there without me ‘cause I’m not doing so good without you. The things I thought you’d never know about me were the things I guess you always understood. So how could I have been so blind for all these years? Guess I only see the truth through all this fear and living without you. Everything I have in this world and all that I’ll ever be it could all fall down around me, just as long as I have you, right here by me. I can’t take another day without you ‘cause baby, I could never make it on my own. I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you and to be back in your arms where I belong. Sorry I can’t always find the words to say but everything I’ve ever known gets swept away inside of your love.
If I could be your angel, protect you from the pain, I'll keep you safe from danger you'll never hurt again, I'll be your angel.
I just want to find a way to compromise 'cause I believe that we can work things out. I thought I had all the answers, never giving in, but baby I was wrong, I admit that I was wrong. All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie. How am I gonna be strong without you, I need you by my side. If we ever said we'll never be together and we ended it with goodbye, I don't know what I'd do, you know I've been lost without you. I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I’m lost without you. I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you. How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues? Baby I’m so lonely all the time. Everywhere I go, I get so confused. You know that you're the only thing that's on my mind. Oh my bed's so cold at night, I miss you more each day. If I could only hold you now, make the pain just go away. Can't stop the tears from running down my face.
Took a chance, rolled the dice of me and you. Opened up, let you in my world, like a dance, started slow and then love took control. Swept away, so proud to be your girl.
When you write a story much too fast, sometimes a happy ending doesn't last. Now I know that love ain't meant to be a play thing. Now I know it's not an ordinary every day thing. Now I know that when it's right it's so amazing.. But when it's wrong you gotta let it go… Now I know.
I don't regret a single day the joy and pain along the way, a broken hearts the price we pay.
<3
(A heart emotion medley)
Posted on an old blog on January 20, 2009
Your love is pouring like the rain, I close my eyes and it’s gone again. When will I get the chance to say I love you? I pretend that you're already mine and my heart ain't breaking every time I look into your eyes. Give me just a second and I'll be alright. Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart. Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay, just another day and then I'll hold you tight. If only I could get through this.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done it gets hard but it won’t take away my love. I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight it's only you and me.
But you're just a boy, you don’t understand how it feels to love a girl someday you’ll wish you were a better man. You don’t listen to her, you don’t care how it hurts until you lose the one you wanted cause you've taken her for granted and everything you had got destroyed.
This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start. I honestly believed in you, holding on, the days drag on. Stupid girl, I should have known… That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down… ‘Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m gonna find someone, some day who might actually treat me well.
Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes, I never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand. I had so many dreams about you and me.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago hoping I would find true love along the broken road, but I got lost a time or two wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.
Some say love is not for sinners, I believe that isn't true 'cause when I was finished sinning love came down and showed me you. You told me how to get there so I tried to find a way, then I ran into your garden but I tripped out the gate… What are you doing to me? I'm so into you and the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through. You're slowly killing me and I wish it wasn't true ‘cause I'm so into you. Can you hear me? ‘Cause I can't change what I'll always be
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see, you belong with me. Yeah, life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve. Me, I swung and I missed and the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing... Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes, like you would be back again.
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain, I put on that old song we danced to and then I head off to my job, guess not much has changed, punch the clock, head for home, check the phone, just in case, go to bed, dream of you, that's what I'm doin' these days.
Now as the summer fades I let you slip away, you say I'm not your type but I can make you sway. It makes me burn to learn you're not the only one, I'd let you be if you put down your blazing gun. Now you've gone somewhere else, far away, I don't know if I will find you.
What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin' to do.
Wise men say only fools rush in but I cant help falling in love with you. Shall I stay, would it be a sin if I cant help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the sea darling so it goes some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I cant help falling in love with you
Hope you’re doing fine out there without me ‘cause I’m not doing so good without you. The things I thought you’d never know about me were the things I guess you always understood. So how could I have been so blind for all these years? Guess I only see the truth through all this fear and living without you. Everything I have in this world and all that I’ll ever be it could all fall down around me, just as long as I have you, right here by me. I can’t take another day without you ‘cause baby, I could never make it on my own. I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you and to be back in your arms where I belong. Sorry I can’t always find the words to say but everything I’ve ever known gets swept away inside of your love.
If I could be your angel, protect you from the pain, I'll keep you safe from danger you'll never hurt again, I'll be your angel.
I just want to find a way to compromise 'cause I believe that we can work things out. I thought I had all the answers, never giving in, but baby I was wrong, I admit that I was wrong. All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie. How am I gonna be strong without you, I need you by my side. If we ever said we'll never be together and we ended it with goodbye, I don't know what I'd do, you know I've been lost without you. I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I’m lost without you. I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you. How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues? Baby I’m so lonely all the time. Everywhere I go, I get so confused. You know that you're the only thing that's on my mind. Oh my bed's so cold at night, I miss you more each day. If I could only hold you now, make the pain just go away. Can't stop the tears from running down my face.
Took a chance, rolled the dice of me and you. Opened up, let you in my world, like a dance, started slow and then love took control. Swept away, so proud to be your girl.
When you write a story much too fast, sometimes a happy ending doesn't last. Now I know that love ain't meant to be a play thing. Now I know it's not an ordinary every day thing. Now I know that when it's right it's so amazing.. But when it's wrong you gotta let it go… Now I know.
I don't regret a single day the joy and pain along the way, a broken hearts the price we pay.
<3
(A heart emotion medley)
Posted on an old blog on January 20, 2009
Unspoked Ramble.
I wonder what it would be like to see you again.
I wonder what I would say to you, if anything at all.
I wonder if I would long to hold you.
It’s very unlikely that our paths would cross accidentally, but I’m still afraid to see you.
When I think about you I feel that I’m forgetting you.
I try to piece together piece of your face in my mind.
Eyes. Nose. Ears. Mouth.
I have forced myself to completely forget about how your touch feels to me.
I’m trying to move on, letting him in pieces at a time but he’s not you.
He’s not you but you’re not even worth of any of this.
Written January 22, 2009
I wonder what I would say to you, if anything at all.
I wonder if I would long to hold you.
It’s very unlikely that our paths would cross accidentally, but I’m still afraid to see you.
When I think about you I feel that I’m forgetting you.
I try to piece together piece of your face in my mind.
Eyes. Nose. Ears. Mouth.
I have forced myself to completely forget about how your touch feels to me.
I’m trying to move on, letting him in pieces at a time but he’s not you.
He’s not you but you’re not even worth of any of this.
Written January 22, 2009
again
The world
My world.
Endless confusion.
Endless bullshit.
Over in thought, I think.
Forever I will ponder…
Why do people do what they do…
Say what they say…
Act the way they act...
Do that thang they do.
Reason beyond all reason.
Learn from the past
The teacher of life…
Live and learn.
Do and never do again
Say you won’t
Tomorrow you do it again.
Again, I do.
Again, I learn.
Again, Again…
Forever, now.
Written March 18, 2009
My world.
Endless confusion.
Endless bullshit.
Over in thought, I think.
Forever I will ponder…
Why do people do what they do…
Say what they say…
Act the way they act...
Do that thang they do.
Reason beyond all reason.
Learn from the past
The teacher of life…
Live and learn.
Do and never do again
Say you won’t
Tomorrow you do it again.
Again, I do.
Again, I learn.
Again, Again…
Forever, now.
Written March 18, 2009
no one
I drive alone
To be home, alone
To lie alone
I dream alone.
Alone, I dream of my future.
Things I’ll do, alone.
Without a thought of you.
Alone, I’ll travel through life.
I’ll see my world, alone.
Alone, I will be.
Yesterday
Today
Tomorrow
Forever I will be vacant in heart.
In mind
In voice.
Alone. Doesn’t include you.
Written March 23, 2009
To be home, alone
To lie alone
I dream alone.
Alone, I dream of my future.
Things I’ll do, alone.
Without a thought of you.
Alone, I’ll travel through life.
I’ll see my world, alone.
Alone, I will be.
Yesterday
Today
Tomorrow
Forever I will be vacant in heart.
In mind
In voice.
Alone. Doesn’t include you.
Written March 23, 2009
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Phht! I'm... hot?
Fally: “WTF! It seems like everyone is staring at me!” *Looks down to see if there is a toilet paper trail or something* “Is there something in my teeth?” *Shows teeth*
Male Pal: “Um no, nothing in your teeth...”
Fally: *Looks around self consciously*
Male Pal: “Dude, it’s cuz you’re hot.”
Fally: *laughing* “Yeah. Ok. Whatever.”
Male Pal: “No really.” *Serious look*
Fally: “Uh –“ *Weird look* “Oh, shut up!”
Male pal: *Laughing* "Fal, really... you 'tard!"
Fally: *Faking a sexy walk with supreme sarcasm* “lyke, i kno rite!”
Male pal: “You’re just going to have to come to terms with it Fal!”
Fally: “Are you SURE there’s nothing in my teeth!?” *Shows teeth again*
Male Pal: “Um no, nothing in your teeth...”
Fally: *Looks around self consciously*
Male Pal: “Dude, it’s cuz you’re hot.”
Fally: *laughing* “Yeah. Ok. Whatever.”
Male Pal: “No really.” *Serious look*
Fally: “Uh –“ *Weird look* “Oh, shut up!”
Male pal: *Laughing* "Fal, really... you 'tard!"
Fally: *Faking a sexy walk with supreme sarcasm* “lyke, i kno rite!”
Male pal: “You’re just going to have to come to terms with it Fal!”
Fally: “Are you SURE there’s nothing in my teeth!?” *Shows teeth again*
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Bite TAKERS
When you offer someone a bite of your food or they ask for a bite, for the love of all holy food gods, don’t be the biggest fucking douche on earth and take a huge bite and/or practically half the meal.
This has got to be one of my BIGGEST PETPEEVES eeever. Someone close to me has done this to me for many many years. It pisses me off to NO END. I fucking eat very little as it is, (thanks chubby genes xo) so when you take a huge fucking ginormous bite of my meal, and in a recent case, a bite that you weren’t offered to begin with... imma say it: I WANT TO SLAP YOU!
FOAD.
The end.
Signed,
Starving xo
ps. The last thing I want to appear as it an Orca Fat Food Hoarder... but events like these make me feel just like that. Ugh. MY FOOD. MINE. Nom nom nommm.
This has got to be one of my BIGGEST PETPEEVES eeever. Someone close to me has done this to me for many many years. It pisses me off to NO END. I fucking eat very little as it is, (thanks chubby genes xo) so when you take a huge fucking ginormous bite of my meal, and in a recent case, a bite that you weren’t offered to begin with... imma say it: I WANT TO SLAP YOU!
FOAD.
The end.
Signed,
Starving xo
ps. The last thing I want to appear as it an Orca Fat Food Hoarder... but events like these make me feel just like that. Ugh. MY FOOD. MINE. Nom nom nommm.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Memorable quote from Revolver
"There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty puss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please, think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. The hip-hip-hoo-fuckin' rah. Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on you crazy diamond, because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others." Memorable quote from Revolver
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Baby?
I’m not the type of person that gets excited about pregnancies... or engagements... or weddings.
“Oh, you’re pregnant... um cool...” I would attempt to insert an “excited congrats” smile after saying this, but it’s most likely fake.
“You’re engaged! Oh that’s SUPER!” Here I would insert a hug and a smile but inside I’m really thinking, “You are fucking crazy!” WHY? Because I know very well, not too far down the road, that I will be saying, “YAY! You’re divorced now! That’s SUPER!”
I receive a wedding invitation in the mail; I’ll stare at it with a blank look on my face. “Oh yay... I have to dress up. That’s just super awesome.” (Don’t even get me started about the excitement I ooze being asked to be a bridesmaid. *blink blink*) (ps. I have had a lot of fun at weddings and weddings can be a lot of fun. If I could wear jeans and a hoddie - or atleast a dress with COMFY shoes. I would have even more fun!)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some big chubby poopy stick in the mud. I bleed fun and radness! I am a very happy smiley girl... I’m just REALISTIC. Kids cost money, they make you insane, age faster and in most cases, make you and keep you fat. Same applies to husbands.
No. Thanks.
I DO get excited, I really do! (See what I did there. That was excitment.) As previously stated, I ain’t no stick in the mud! I get excited about lotsa' stuff. New cars, vacations, new hair, losing weight, keeping weight off, dentist-cleaned teeth, antibacterial hand sanitizer, new hoodies, new shoes. I'm excited about the fact that I don't have kids - this is the most exciting actually. I get excited when I get to go to sleep. Sleep is fucking amazing. Sleep wouldn’t happen if I had a kid or had to share a bed with a man that wiggles or snores or kicks or just breathes.
I got a kick out of these following links:
Reasons for not having kids & More reasons!
(Phht, as if I needed more reasons)
Can you feel that? Taste it? Know what that is? Mmm... it's F R E E D O M!
I kinda know that this blog isn't going to go over well with some people... but like, whatever.
i r fally, hear me rawr!
(...and I can RAWR! as loud as I want to because I don’t have a baby/kid sleeping and I don’t have a husband that will tell me to shut up.)
“Oh, you’re pregnant... um cool...” I would attempt to insert an “excited congrats” smile after saying this, but it’s most likely fake.
“You’re engaged! Oh that’s SUPER!” Here I would insert a hug and a smile but inside I’m really thinking, “You are fucking crazy!” WHY? Because I know very well, not too far down the road, that I will be saying, “YAY! You’re divorced now! That’s SUPER!”
I receive a wedding invitation in the mail; I’ll stare at it with a blank look on my face. “Oh yay... I have to dress up. That’s just super awesome.” (Don’t even get me started about the excitement I ooze being asked to be a bridesmaid. *blink blink*) (ps. I have had a lot of fun at weddings and weddings can be a lot of fun. If I could wear jeans and a hoddie - or atleast a dress with COMFY shoes. I would have even more fun!)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some big chubby poopy stick in the mud. I bleed fun and radness! I am a very happy smiley girl... I’m just REALISTIC. Kids cost money, they make you insane, age faster and in most cases, make you and keep you fat. Same applies to husbands.
No. Thanks.
I DO get excited, I really do! (See what I did there. That was excitment.) As previously stated, I ain’t no stick in the mud! I get excited about lotsa' stuff. New cars, vacations, new hair, losing weight, keeping weight off, dentist-cleaned teeth, antibacterial hand sanitizer, new hoodies, new shoes. I'm excited about the fact that I don't have kids - this is the most exciting actually. I get excited when I get to go to sleep. Sleep is fucking amazing. Sleep wouldn’t happen if I had a kid or had to share a bed with a man that wiggles or snores or kicks or just breathes.
I got a kick out of these following links:
Reasons for not having kids & More reasons!
(Phht, as if I needed more reasons)
Can you feel that? Taste it? Know what that is? Mmm... it's F R E E D O M!
I kinda know that this blog isn't going to go over well with some people... but like, whatever.
i r fally, hear me rawr!
(...and I can RAWR! as loud as I want to because I don’t have a baby/kid sleeping and I don’t have a husband that will tell me to shut up.)
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