No Baby Zone

Recent events and something I wrote 3 years ago triggered this new update...

What I wrote 3 years ago: Why don't you want kids?

It's like people don't think I've thought this through. Really? I've been belittled, I have thought that maybe I am broken. It has been said and implied that I am not a real women because I don't want to procreate. I've been romantically heart broken, and recently a whole bunch of heart ache because I do not want children. You "Baby Power!" peeps really think this hasn't been on my mind? You don't think it's consumed me for days and nights? My brain hurts. 

"You'll meet the right guy and you will have children with him."

Yes, there's always that possibility. Though, I recently ended a relationship with a wonderful man because he decided that he wanted kids one day. That was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. I thought long and hard about this... "Could I have children with this guy?" Perhaps? Maybe several years from now? But that's not fair to either one of us. Especially when having children is obviously, very important to him. Which then leads us to the next dinger of a point that often gets thrown at me...

"Oh, you'll change your mind." 

Sure, but let's face it, I'm going to be 31, I am a year and a half into my millwright apprenticeship. It will be another 3-4 years until I am a journeyman. Once I'm a journeyman, I am not just going to stop my career to have kids. I'd like to work, live, love, wtf ever else I want to do. So, if I change my mind now or 5 years from now, all my hard work for... nothing? Not that kids are "nothing" - but, what's the point of doing what I am doing just to quit?

"You can still work and start a family"

Possibly. However, with my career choice, it could be a challenge. If the father wants to be a stay at home daddy, I'd be all for that, I won't mind being the provider. I could get a nanny. I could get a local "normal" job, yup, I could...

This is all besides the point because no baby is going to be coming out of my vagina. Mmmkay. 

"Your life has no meaning..."

Sooo... procreating and having children is the meaning to life? Stop the presses! I have the answer to everything right here! 

My life has meaning. I work hard, I travel, I see the world, I enjoy life, I help others, I am kind and I am loving, I am a good person. 

Nuns, priests, monks, their lives all have meaning and they don't have children. Not by any stretch am comparing myself to them, as their dedication is pretty amazing in itself... Though, um, my life may actually have more meaning because I get to enjoy it a little more, ifyaknowwhatImean *winkwink* hahaha!

"It is different when they are your own kids."

Maybe. But, I for one am not going to go through 9 or so months of pregnancy and child birth just to find out. Thanks.

There are enough parents that should not have had kids. There are many unwanted children born into this world. Why? Perhaps because someone wanted to please another. Maybe they fell into "Well this is what I'm supposed to do" mindset. Or really, just some people shouldn't have kids! 

"You're making a big mistake."

Seriously, from the bottom of my heart...  Fuck you and fuck off. 

"What if you were one of the few women left on earth and it was your duty to repopulate and keep the human population thriving?" 

If I could actually bear children, let my ovaries work their magic! Do me! 

A snippet from a blog I've read, "Childlessness advocates tell us, in sum, that children require a lot of sacrifices. That’s not news. What may be new is that people now feel confident enough to argue publicly that those sacrifices are too great — in short, that the child is not worth it. I say “may be” new because while the technology has changed over the millennia, the human heart has not. No doubt in every age there were a few who thought children not worth the bother." From fatherdesouza

I find it pretty cool and interesting that National Post had a week-long series on this exact same subject. 

I could talk about this topic until I'm blue in the face... Oh wait, I have. Many blue, tear-soaked, lost faces. 

I am Fallon. I define myself. I don't let children or anyone define me. I love me, and even with some nasty bumps along the way, I love my life. 

Quotable

Ya got life in one hand and serious shit in the other hand... Moosh and mash that shit together and get the fuck over it. 

Thems are my wise words of the day. You have my permission to get that tattooed.

This misery does not love company...

I've never been good at talking about my feelings or expressing myself verbally. I need to write it down. Expressing myself through writing is my release, it always has been. But, even then, it takes me a while to gather my thoughts and stop my insides from screaming at me.

It's a horrible trait to have actually. I'm sure I could have saved a lot of stress and heart ache if I could just talk about things and figure it out that way. 

My stubborn, quick-to-react, then suffer quietly attitude has gotten the best of me. I'm an emotional person but I swallow a lot of it and tuck it away. I try to be hard as fuck, and strong for everyone around me because, that's who I am and that is who I'm supposed to be. 

"Nope, can't show weakness Fallon. Hold your fucking shit together woman!"

I may throw out a few handfuls of my internal garbage here and there, but I mostly keep it all in. Like having short little pity parties, and then getting the fuck over myself... over... and over again.

I'm not perfect. I say things I don't mean when I'm upset, but I take full responsibility for everything.

Recently, things have been a little harder than usual but I'm handling it the best way that I can... 

This misery does not love company.

Ex bday

Hey, thanks Technology for reminding me constantly that its my evil ex's birthday soon. 

The only pleasure I get from this information is that I know he's one year closer to dying. 

*smirk*

Regurgitated

Ok people, pull up your socks.

Guys, put on your big boy unders.

Gals, grab those big girl panties...

Gather around, Auntie Fally needs to have a chat with you... 

Don't be a mindless, unoriginal cunt bag. Don't be a fucking puppet. Step out of your condescending bubble. Get a life. Be original. Grow a back bone, don't be a spineless fuck. Have some motherfucking balls! Break free! Don't just tell people what you think they want to hear, sometimes the truth hurts. You don't have to agree with everything your friends, lover, significant other, society, ECT throws at ya. If I wanted a play-back machine, I'd go buy something that regurgitated shit for me.

Court, or no court?... That is the question.

So, shall we have an update? What has been going on in the odd, crazy life that I call my own?

I have been asked a lot lately... "What's happening with that ex and court and stuff?" Wait no longer, my lovelies; I have some answers... well kinda.

New to this? Read about what happened here:Think Twice About Your Travel Buddy...

Thankfully, I never had to go to court. I was supposed to testify on two consecutive Tuesdays. However, I received a call the Friday before telling me that he had taken a deal. He pleaded guilty to some of the charges and some of the charges will be withdrawn… and that’s pretty much all the information I have at this time. He will be in court in June, I will not have to attend, nor do I want to. I will be notified of the results after his day in court.

I am happy. The justice system is a bit wonky but, I am just happy that he’s leaving me alone. It only took him 2 arrests and 2 visits to jail to make that happen.

I am doing a million times better, Fally is really back. I have had so much amazing support throughout the past several months. There as been over 1000 hits on my blog because of my story. THAT right there is so amazing to me. I wrote about my experience because I wanted people to be aware, think twice about whom they let into their lives and really think about whom they travel with… and even if I helped ONE person, it was all worth it.

Everyone, THANK YOU. It warms my heart so freakin’ much. I was/am overwhelmed by it all. My friends, my family, and even acquaintances… so so amazing. I love you all.
So, what else is up?

I was in school in March and April to do my 1^st year of my Millwright apprenticeship. It was very challenging as I am still so new to the Millwright/mechanical world, but I learned a lot and I will find out in a few weeks if I passed the Provincial part of things. I am keeping positive; as I am sure I did fine.

I am currently in Fort McMurray, back to work, staying in camp and plan to work as much as I can until Christmas. Though, I will have a little break in July… a week in California for San Diego Comic Con… and MAYBE even a trip to the Philippines after Christmas, but we shall see. I gotta see the world!

So that’s that. Thank you for reading and I hope you are all well.

Many many hugs.

Sport Orgy Anyone?

For weeks, most of my dreams have been about tools, measuring tools, precision tools, the lathe, basically all the stuff I've been learning in school... (This is all odd enough as it is because I never usually dream or remember my dreams!) Last night, I dreamt about full-on sport orgy sexy parties.

Apparently, in my mind, Sport Orgy Parties are a buncha people getting together and playing sports, (football, hockey, ect.) naked of course, and having sexy humpy times between games and half time.

O.o