Deformity is emphasized And is reconstructed
Through my eyes
Fractured thoughts linger
Cruel injustice plays a singer
With vocalized compression
Impotence is my -
Humble affliction
Written years ago.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Through my eyes...
As much as she drives the insanity within me to bubble and blister on a regular basis, and there are moments we drive each other nuts, but I love her to pieces... she's an amazing, giving, loving person. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is my hero. She is my Mother. xo
Written years ago.
Written years ago.
Moose!
I wrote this a few years ago when I was doing some hot shot driving up in Grande Prairie… this still makes me laugh.
I would always say "I never see Moose! Everyone says they see Moose all the time, and I've seen MAYBE two in my whole life!" (You know "Moose"... Like the two "Canadian" Moose in Brother Bear, not the dude from the Archie comics.)
Last night, on my 12 hour drive from Grande Prairie to an oil rig out side of Grande Cache, I shit you not, I saw 30+ moose! It was like there was a McMoose Family Reunion or they were having their Winter Festival and the meeting place was "The Highway".
I saw baby moose, momma moose and daddy moose! Some where wandering around the road (Maybe they like the "clicky-click, cloppity clop" of their hooves on the pavement?) or trotting along side the highway. Some were just hanging out in the ditch, while others were sticking by the tree line.
They kind of just sneak up on you. It’s the darkest dark when you’re up north in the middle of nowhere at 1 am. I would hit the breaks and yell "BASTARD!" (Or the occasional "Shithead") when one was on or really close to the road. (Sorry for calling you names Mr. (Miss?) Moose, you're cute but you nor I wants to get hurt!)
I think Moose are cute huge bastards, but when it comes down to Moose vs little 3/4 ton Chevy pick-up... Mr Le Moose wins... hands down!
So I FINALLY got to see the all mighty Canadian Moose! I've seen a life time supply of the them!… SO YEAH I'm good... can ya'll stay off the roads now!?
I would always say "I never see Moose! Everyone says they see Moose all the time, and I've seen MAYBE two in my whole life!" (You know "Moose"... Like the two "Canadian" Moose in Brother Bear, not the dude from the Archie comics.)
Last night, on my 12 hour drive from Grande Prairie to an oil rig out side of Grande Cache, I shit you not, I saw 30+ moose! It was like there was a McMoose Family Reunion or they were having their Winter Festival and the meeting place was "The Highway".
I saw baby moose, momma moose and daddy moose! Some where wandering around the road (Maybe they like the "clicky-click, cloppity clop" of their hooves on the pavement?) or trotting along side the highway. Some were just hanging out in the ditch, while others were sticking by the tree line.
They kind of just sneak up on you. It’s the darkest dark when you’re up north in the middle of nowhere at 1 am. I would hit the breaks and yell "BASTARD!" (Or the occasional "Shithead") when one was on or really close to the road. (Sorry for calling you names Mr. (Miss?) Moose, you're cute but you nor I wants to get hurt!)
I think Moose are cute huge bastards, but when it comes down to Moose vs little 3/4 ton Chevy pick-up... Mr Le Moose wins... hands down!
So I FINALLY got to see the all mighty Canadian Moose! I've seen a life time supply of the them!… SO YEAH I'm good... can ya'll stay off the roads now!?
DNE
DO NOT ENTER
I cover up a dented emotion with a joke.
My sarcasm is my undercover shield which protects me from all that will harm me.
I wear a sign on back that reads "Fuck me" and an "L" on my forehead.
No one will get me down. No one will see me down.
I live inside myself, my own domain.
There is no way to penetrate my essence.
My apprehension only shows through faintly evident shaking.
I fear everything but my shield is my refuge.
My straight emotionless facade is my haven.
I'm the conqueror of my daily internal battle.
Victory is mine.
Fally
7/2006
I cover up a dented emotion with a joke.
My sarcasm is my undercover shield which protects me from all that will harm me.
I wear a sign on back that reads "Fuck me" and an "L" on my forehead.
No one will get me down. No one will see me down.
I live inside myself, my own domain.
There is no way to penetrate my essence.
My apprehension only shows through faintly evident shaking.
I fear everything but my shield is my refuge.
My straight emotionless facade is my haven.
I'm the conqueror of my daily internal battle.
Victory is mine.
Fally
7/2006
9.16.08
“I want nothing” my front
“I want everything” my reality.
Fuck my forced temporary sanity.
Bless'ed me for my dreamless slumbers.
Fally
9.16.08
“I want everything” my reality.
Fuck my forced temporary sanity.
Bless'ed me for my dreamless slumbers.
Fally
9.16.08
9.10.08
Torn between a moral and an embrace.
Untouchable.
She is not me and she never will be.
Irreplaceable.
Fally
9.10.08
Untouchable.
She is not me and she never will be.
Irreplaceable.
Fally
9.10.08
A heart emotion medley
Baby, when we first met, I never felt something so strong. You were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it. All of a sudden you went and left I didn't know how to follow, it's like a shock that spun me around and now my heart's dead. I feel so empty and hollow. I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you. Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you? It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back… Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept you'll do anything for the one you love 'cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there it's like you were my favorite drug.
Your love is pouring like the rain, I close my eyes and it’s gone again. When will I get the chance to say I love you? I pretend that you're already mine and my heart ain't breaking every time I look into your eyes. Give me just a second and I'll be alright. Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart. Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay, just another day and then I'll hold you tight. If only I could get through this.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done it gets hard but it won’t take away my love. I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight it's only you and me.
But you're just a boy, you don’t understand how it feels to love a girl someday you’ll wish you were a better man. You don’t listen to her, you don’t care how it hurts until you lose the one you wanted cause you've taken her for granted and everything you had got destroyed.
This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start. I honestly believed in you, holding on, the days drag on. Stupid girl, I should have known… That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down… ‘Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m gonna find someone, some day who might actually treat me well.
Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes, I never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand. I had so many dreams about you and me.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago hoping I would find true love along the broken road, but I got lost a time or two wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.
Some say love is not for sinners, I believe that isn't true 'cause when I was finished sinning love came down and showed me you. You told me how to get there so I tried to find a way, then I ran into your garden but I tripped out the gate… What are you doing to me? I'm so into you and the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through. You're slowly killing me and I wish it wasn't true ‘cause I'm so into you. Can you hear me? ‘Cause I can't change what I'll always be
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see, you belong with me. Yeah, life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve. Me, I swung and I missed and the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing... Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes, like you would be back again.
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain, I put on that old song we danced to and then I head off to my job, guess not much has changed, punch the clock, head for home, check the phone, just in case, go to bed, dream of you, that's what I'm doin' these days.
Now as the summer fades I let you slip away, you say I'm not your type but I can make you sway. It makes me burn to learn you're not the only one, I'd let you be if you put down your blazing gun. Now you've gone somewhere else, far away, I don't know if I will find you.
What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin' to do.
Wise men say only fools rush in but I cant help falling in love with you. Shall I stay, would it be a sin if I cant help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the sea darling so it goes some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I cant help falling in love with you
Hope you’re doing fine out there without me ‘cause I’m not doing so good without you. The things I thought you’d never know about me were the things I guess you always understood. So how could I have been so blind for all these years? Guess I only see the truth through all this fear and living without you. Everything I have in this world and all that I’ll ever be it could all fall down around me, just as long as I have you, right here by me. I can’t take another day without you ‘cause baby, I could never make it on my own. I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you and to be back in your arms where I belong. Sorry I can’t always find the words to say but everything I’ve ever known gets swept away inside of your love.
If I could be your angel, protect you from the pain, I'll keep you safe from danger you'll never hurt again, I'll be your angel.
I just want to find a way to compromise 'cause I believe that we can work things out. I thought I had all the answers, never giving in, but baby I was wrong, I admit that I was wrong. All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie. How am I gonna be strong without you, I need you by my side. If we ever said we'll never be together and we ended it with goodbye, I don't know what I'd do, you know I've been lost without you. I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I’m lost without you. I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you. How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues? Baby I’m so lonely all the time. Everywhere I go, I get so confused. You know that you're the only thing that's on my mind. Oh my bed's so cold at night, I miss you more each day. If I could only hold you now, make the pain just go away. Can't stop the tears from running down my face.
Took a chance, rolled the dice of me and you. Opened up, let you in my world, like a dance, started slow and then love took control. Swept away, so proud to be your girl.
When you write a story much too fast, sometimes a happy ending doesn't last. Now I know that love ain't meant to be a play thing. Now I know it's not an ordinary every day thing. Now I know that when it's right it's so amazing.. But when it's wrong you gotta let it go… Now I know.
I don't regret a single day the joy and pain along the way, a broken hearts the price we pay.
<3
(A heart emotion medley)
Posted on an old blog on January 20, 2009
Your love is pouring like the rain, I close my eyes and it’s gone again. When will I get the chance to say I love you? I pretend that you're already mine and my heart ain't breaking every time I look into your eyes. Give me just a second and I'll be alright. Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart. Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay, just another day and then I'll hold you tight. If only I could get through this.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done it gets hard but it won’t take away my love. I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight it's only you and me.
But you're just a boy, you don’t understand how it feels to love a girl someday you’ll wish you were a better man. You don’t listen to her, you don’t care how it hurts until you lose the one you wanted cause you've taken her for granted and everything you had got destroyed.
This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start. I honestly believed in you, holding on, the days drag on. Stupid girl, I should have known… That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down… ‘Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m gonna find someone, some day who might actually treat me well.
Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes, I never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand. I had so many dreams about you and me.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago hoping I would find true love along the broken road, but I got lost a time or two wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.
Some say love is not for sinners, I believe that isn't true 'cause when I was finished sinning love came down and showed me you. You told me how to get there so I tried to find a way, then I ran into your garden but I tripped out the gate… What are you doing to me? I'm so into you and the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through. You're slowly killing me and I wish it wasn't true ‘cause I'm so into you. Can you hear me? ‘Cause I can't change what I'll always be
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see, you belong with me. Yeah, life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve. Me, I swung and I missed and the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing... Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes, like you would be back again.
I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain, I put on that old song we danced to and then I head off to my job, guess not much has changed, punch the clock, head for home, check the phone, just in case, go to bed, dream of you, that's what I'm doin' these days.
Now as the summer fades I let you slip away, you say I'm not your type but I can make you sway. It makes me burn to learn you're not the only one, I'd let you be if you put down your blazing gun. Now you've gone somewhere else, far away, I don't know if I will find you.
What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin' to do.
Wise men say only fools rush in but I cant help falling in love with you. Shall I stay, would it be a sin if I cant help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the sea darling so it goes some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I cant help falling in love with you
Hope you’re doing fine out there without me ‘cause I’m not doing so good without you. The things I thought you’d never know about me were the things I guess you always understood. So how could I have been so blind for all these years? Guess I only see the truth through all this fear and living without you. Everything I have in this world and all that I’ll ever be it could all fall down around me, just as long as I have you, right here by me. I can’t take another day without you ‘cause baby, I could never make it on my own. I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you and to be back in your arms where I belong. Sorry I can’t always find the words to say but everything I’ve ever known gets swept away inside of your love.
If I could be your angel, protect you from the pain, I'll keep you safe from danger you'll never hurt again, I'll be your angel.
I just want to find a way to compromise 'cause I believe that we can work things out. I thought I had all the answers, never giving in, but baby I was wrong, I admit that I was wrong. All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie. How am I gonna be strong without you, I need you by my side. If we ever said we'll never be together and we ended it with goodbye, I don't know what I'd do, you know I've been lost without you. I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I’m lost without you. I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you. How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues? Baby I’m so lonely all the time. Everywhere I go, I get so confused. You know that you're the only thing that's on my mind. Oh my bed's so cold at night, I miss you more each day. If I could only hold you now, make the pain just go away. Can't stop the tears from running down my face.
Took a chance, rolled the dice of me and you. Opened up, let you in my world, like a dance, started slow and then love took control. Swept away, so proud to be your girl.
When you write a story much too fast, sometimes a happy ending doesn't last. Now I know that love ain't meant to be a play thing. Now I know it's not an ordinary every day thing. Now I know that when it's right it's so amazing.. But when it's wrong you gotta let it go… Now I know.
I don't regret a single day the joy and pain along the way, a broken hearts the price we pay.
<3
(A heart emotion medley)
Posted on an old blog on January 20, 2009
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