My life could be a sitcom.

Seriously, my life could be a sitcom.

A guy just walked into my office, he was rather sloppy and messy looking, wearing sweat pants and uncombed hair. Within the first few moments of talking to him it’s apparent that he’s “special”, talking much like a child and no eye contact, very nervous. He continues by asking me if we do movie editing, which I in return ask him if he’ll be getting more copies of it made and what he wants... “Well there’s this new movie out called Star Trek and there’s this REALLY GROSS sex scene in it and we want to take out”. I look at him for a moment... *blink blink* I hold my composure and conduct myself in a very businesslike manner by telling him that I was sorry but we don’t edit or copy movies like that – He walks out with his head down.

I would say I’m a dream killer, but um... I think most dreams involve gross sex... or at least mine do.

Fat Man Plane

I wrote this while I was on my flight from Calgary to Edmonton... It was on a little 2-seat per side plane. (It had propellers... Wow. I used to work that the airport, I can’t even remember the name of the effin’ plane!)

Wanna hear something hot?... Right now my ass is totally touching this other guys ass. He's so big and thick...

And smelly and extremely over weight! I can hardly type this into my iPhone because I’m being shoved into the isle. We can't even put the middle arm rest down because it would be impossible - and it would totally break under pressure! He squeezed in next to me, looked over at me and exclaimed, “Wow, squishy!” No fucking shit Fat Man! I just smiled and nodded, while having active thoughts of stabbing him in the eye with... with... dirty looks. (Who are we kidding, I’m not all that violent. *grin*) I’m not on any top model skinny scale myself, but at least my junk isn’t spewing all over the place.

Thank Lord Baby Jeebuz that it was only a 50 minute flight. I think I was the first to stand when the seat belt sign turned off. WOW, that was beyond awkward... Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so bad if it was at least a cute chubby duder.

Oh-KAY, I know... I am going to hell because I’m such an asshole. I think I’m ok with that. Venting to the masses makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

TV makes me a little sick...

My grandmother is making me watch 'Birth Day' It's real life, reality TV birthing stories. She looks over at me and says, 'Gunna have a baby?' - Silence - Than I reply, 'FUCK! NO!'

The mothers face is so eff'd, and she's doing it without pain meds, CRAZY WOMAN! The father looks scared and sick. Ugh, I feel sick, I don't blame him.

'Nanny, I don't want to watch this!' which she replies 'Then don't' and turns back to the TV... Haha!

The mother just asked for an episiotomy... *blank stare*

But my Nanny always makes me laugh... 'One time on the show, the woman got an episiotomy and the father asked the doctor to stitch it up a little tighter, what an asshole!' LMAO!

It's weird that they keep saying 'Vaginal' and it makes me laugh, because I'm awesomely mature like that.

On next... 17 Kids & Counting. They all that names that start with 'J' too. PEOPLE ARE FUCKING NUTS!

Wow I guess this is an old show because they have 19 kids now...
Joshua, Jana, John, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, Josie

Driving with Nanny...

Nanny and I were driving around Kemptville after grabbing some food. Of course, like with every second conversation I have with with her, my singledom and relationship status comes up. Nanny says, 'I think you're a wonderful girl, you're pretty, you're sweet and kind and helpful and successful and... I just don't understand why you are single and why boys aren't interested in you...' I just explain that there are some but it's just not on my top of my list and that I'm content and happy - she still doesn't understand how I could be single. She isn't really listening to me so I look over at her, very seriously, and I say, 'Because I'm gay.' She looks over at me in shock and says, 'Oh Fallon, you are not!' and I just laughed and laughed... Hahaaa! :) I shouldn't have done that while she was driving but it was really funny.

Man old people and their old ways.

A convo with my gparents

Today, my Poppa says to my Nanny, 'Our granddaughter is a Spinster... Fallon, do you know what that is? A single woman... It might be nice now but when your alone at 50...' A few moments later, 'I've been hoping she would get together with a guy here and then get married here and then she would have to move out East...' Nanny adds '... Or she finds a guy that is from here and would have to visit more often...'

This went on for several minutes...

Oy. Shoot me now.

Drunkness on a plane...

Testing your patience... Sitting in the middle seat on a plane while sitting next to a drunk son'ova'bitch who talks to himself, expresses anger at everything, can't make the 'fucking tv thing work' while banging on it. Constantly looking out the window proclaiming loudly that the flight is taking too long and for it to hurry up. Spilling his drink on me but, also proclaiming loudly, that it was emply. Right, I just wet my own pants. The constant stench of alcohol is over welming and I can't stop sneezing and have a headache because of it. He can't sit still and keeps farting. Muthr'fuck!!! Testing ones patience. Fuck me.

I think there should be a rule when flying...

I think there should be a rule when flying...

If someone kicks or bumps or 'WTF are you even doing back there?' to your seat 3 times (3 strikes you are out, buddy) you should be allowed to get up and punch him/her in the face, kick their shin, stomp on there toe or poke them in the eye. (I would like to pepper spray the mofo but that would eff up the whole plane, including myself.)

If it's a kid kicking your seat - which is almost as horrible as any form of hair removal - you should be allowed to pick one of the previous listed actions and do this to their parent(s).

I feel horrible when I accidently bump the seat infront of me and I always apologize. I don't get how a full grown adult can be capable of being such an inconsiderate shit for brains.

This will also be added to my list of 'This is Why People Get Stabbed and Shot!'

There you have it my friends, another installment of 'Flyin with Fally