Sour Milk

Ladies and gents, know your worth. Do you know your worth? Cuz I’m tellin’ ya - Know. YOUR. Fucking. Worth. 

At my age, at this time in my life... if it is not absolute... it’s absolutely nothing. Simple right? You’d think so.

I know it’s hard, I really do. 

Don’t hold on to the little things. Let it all fucking go. Let that fucking shit goooooo...! It eats and rots away at you and you just pop out being a sleazy, ragged ol’ gopher trying to escape farmers gun shots. Stop digging up fucking holes in the fields, ya asshole. (How’s that for a metaphor eh?)

People don’t have time for you? They tell you they are busy? Read between the lines... they are just too busy for YOU. Move on. 

Nothing will hold a person back from seeing you or talking to you if it means that much to them. This game of life is a complicated one, but... it’s really not. It’s fucking black and white. People show you exactly how they feel and they show you exactly who they are. We just choose not to see it and listen to it. We want to hold on to some little sniggle of hope and it’s pathetic.

When you’re the one making peoples special days special, because well, you should... really... because that’s what friends do. But those same people don’t bother making your special days special, kinda wow eh? Soak that in. Breath that in slowly, taste it. Now blow it out like you just drank sour milk. 

Done.

Next. 

Now, you can choose to close the world off, being a spiteful old bugger OR you can keep being you boo... but maybe with thicker skin? Now, I’m no expert here but maybe you could also just drink more and become numb. Boom! #GetIt

People will disappoint you. Family, friends, coworkers. No one is a saint. We are all a disappointment at times. 

Human life is so confusing... so complicated. 

I have no I inspirational closing. If I did, I’d probably be rocking this god damned life like you ain’t never seen, brah. 

Do you. 

Love you. 

Fuck you. 

xo

Fally

My Favorite Elderly

While making several trips this past year to see my grandparents in Ottawa, these are some observations and funny points that I've noted.  

So basically, when visiting The elderly, you end repeating yourself 2-3 times... EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. you talk. Just need to be louder and talk slower with each repeat. This is my fault though. I should really know better.

My Poppa on my relationship status (which had been status: SINGLE for many years): (paraphrasing because I was laughing and driving so I couldn't record or take notes) "There is no problem staying single, but you have to look out for your future. You need to find an old guy with lots of money and then when he dies off in a few years, you'll be set..." #RelationshipGoals

Nanny: *Gasp* "I have a colonoscopy soon. I will be all pooped out." 

Nanny logic:

My great Uncle Bob gave me some syrup he made. It's in a large bottle, too big for carry-on when flying home. I generally don't check my bag and have a carry on only. Nanny gets out a piece of paper and tape and handwrites a note on it "Maple Syrup 2016". She's now convicted I'll be able to bring it through security even though it's over the 100ml limit.

After Nanny and I got home from the salon:

Nan: Recalling the visit, with a surprised look on her face "... that man went into the waxing area!"

Me: "Yes. He got his brows waxed..."

Nan: "Oh I thought maybe he got his balls waxed."

Me: 😳... 😂😂😂 baaahahah!

Nanny and I were at the pharmacy, she points to a bunch of boxes, asking what they were... "Those are condoms Nan..." "Oh! Haha! *embarassed*... I never used them." What a different time eh? 

Nanny removed sandals... Horrible smell occurs. She's still trying to convince Poppa and I that it is a smell from outside. It's not. It's really not... Dear god woman!

When you're old, farting and burping is fair game at any time. It's like you're a baby all over again... you're an old geezer now, it's acceptable to just let 'er rip whenever. Ya know, cuz you're all old and shit. It's like a free pass. Alrighty then. 

After watching a Cialis commercial, poppa joked around and told us about a game nanny and him play... Where they hold it up and see what way it falls. I laughed and laughed. Then stopped because I didn't want to think about that anymore. Eeek.

Love them to bits. Wished they lived closer. ❤️

Sunwing + Mexico Travel Hell

My afternoon, trying to get home from Cancun Mexico:

Immigration, coming into Mexico, didn't give me the one half of my immigration form so I needed to pay $30USD for a dude in a sketchy back corner office to give me a new one to fill out and stamp it in all of 3 minutes. Money grab much?

I get to the ticket counter to check in and check my bag... Sunwing tells me that I don't have a ticket/reservation on the flight. Takes them 10 minutes to find me. How is that?

They refuse to let me upgrade to Elite because I was sure my bag was over weight. I was going to pay for it! I wasn't asking any favors! (I was told at the resort that I could do it at the airport) Some bullshit about 24 hours and the weight of my bag. Whatever. I pay $78USD for my 2lbs over. 

Waiting to board the flight, Sunwing personnel call me up to the front desk, "Faloony Horny" while laughing into the mic (I laughed too but I'm mad so don't tell them that). They tell me that, because I bought my ticket today, (Huh??? What? No I didn't. Been booked for months.) that they don't have food for me on this flight and I'll have to buy food at the airport before we take off. I show them my documentation to prove this isn't true. 10 minutes go by and they tell me never mind. I guess food magically appeared... I probably won't eat it anyways, but it's just the principal of it all. Assholes. 

Still waiting to board... Watch, I'm going to be sat beside a stinky person or a crying baby... Or because of my awesome poopy afternoon, maybe the gods are looking down on me and I'll be seated next to the love of my life! Haaaa! 

Patience. Patience. Patience. 

Things could be worse. Right? Right. 

Okay, I've boarded:

I was seated beside two sweet grandparents, across the isle to their unsettled, already bawling grandchild. Hahaaaaaa ya just gotta laugh. When I checked in, they changed my seat from having my own row to being squished into a "window seat" with no window. I got wall. Great view. 

What in the fuck. Karma is coming back at me or something. Le sigh. 

Shitty end to a pretty great trip... I'll take it though. 

Happy FALLONtines Day!

Awesome Sex Facts!

Crazy sex facts that help ya out!
(Info I gathered from Cosmo mag, haha!)

• Orgasms release endorphins which are a natural pain killer and oxytocin which makes you feel more connected with your partner.

• Having sex 3-5 times a week can prevent erectile dysfunction later down the road. Get your funk on fellas!

• Research has shown that men who have sex within a committed relationship report greater arousal and pleasure than guys who have no-strings attached sex. Same goes for the ladies, duh.

• The National Bureau of Economic research found that having frequent sex can make you feel as happy as earning an extra $100,000 a year. BOOYA!

• Quick way to get in the mood: Hug your partner for 30 seconds. It boosts your oxytocin levels (bonding hormones) and your libido.

• A man's relationship hapiness is related to how often he is touched by his girlfriend.

• Sex can boost your immune system.

Nuff said? Good enough for me!
Now go get your hump on! 

Writing makes me feel better...

4 am rambles. 4 am getting the whole "light at the end of the tunnel" bullshit. 

I know I'm fucking fucked up. I can freak out at the snap of a finger and I can calm the fuck down just as quickly. (Thanks Scottish, Irish and ginger'ness.)

I'm so stable, it's nuts. Literally. Hahaaaa! Who and what defines stability and sanity? What's even normal? Normal is boring anyway.

I do not and will not change for anyone. However, I can open my goddamn eyes and mind to see things differently... but I don't think that's changing for any particular reason/person/thing/belief, I think it's simply growing and evolving.

It's slightly offensive when someone assumes I have or would change for an individual, for love or even for society. I get shit done. I set my mind to figure something out and that's what we do... Mind and I, hand in hand get 'er done!

I'm not perfect but I'm perfect for someone out there in this big stupid world. If I find him, awesome! If I don't... It's a hell'ova good fucking thing I am content as a pig in shit being a lonley loner loner pants. (However, I'm never "alone" - my mind is some fuckin' amazing up in 'hrrrr.)

Love me for me. Value me. All my stubborn attributes. All my loopy loops. My fucking rambles. No one knows me, no one but me is living inside of this head, my head. I own my thoughts. I own my voice. I own every fucking word I've said. I own every fucking choice I've made. 

Act now, or forever hold 'yer peace. You're gunna miss me when I'm gone. Maybe not this second... but one day this shit is going to drop kick you in 'da effin face!

Come'on Life, we got this. Chin up, shoulders back, smiles and baby steps forward. Shuffle. Shuffle. 

No Baby Zone

Recent events and something I wrote 3 years ago triggered this new update...

What I wrote 3 years ago: Why don't you want kids?

It's like people don't think I've thought this through. Really? I've been belittled, I have thought that maybe I am broken. It has been said and implied that I am not a real women because I don't want to procreate. I've been romantically heart broken, and recently a whole bunch of heart ache because I do not want children. You "Baby Power!" peeps really think this hasn't been on my mind? You don't think it's consumed me for days and nights? My brain hurts. 

"You'll meet the right guy and you will have children with him."

Yes, there's always that possibility. Though, I recently ended a relationship with a wonderful man because he decided that he wanted kids one day. That was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. I thought long and hard about this... "Could I have children with this guy?" Perhaps? Maybe several years from now? But that's not fair to either one of us. Especially when having children is obviously, very important to him. Which then leads us to the next dinger of a point that often gets thrown at me...

"Oh, you'll change your mind." 

Sure, but let's face it, I'm going to be 31, I am a year and a half into my millwright apprenticeship. It will be another 3-4 years until I am a journeyman. Once I'm a journeyman, I am not just going to stop my career to have kids. I'd like to work, live, love, wtf ever else I want to do. So, if I change my mind now or 5 years from now, all my hard work for... nothing? Not that kids are "nothing" - but, what's the point of doing what I am doing just to quit?

"You can still work and start a family"

Possibly. However, with my career choice, it could be a challenge. If the father wants to be a stay at home daddy, I'd be all for that, I won't mind being the provider. I could get a nanny. I could get a local "normal" job, yup, I could...

This is all besides the point because no baby is going to be coming out of my vagina. Mmmkay. 

"Your life has no meaning..."

Sooo... procreating and having children is the meaning to life? Stop the presses! I have the answer to everything right here! 

My life has meaning. I work hard, I travel, I see the world, I enjoy life, I help others, I am kind and I am loving, I am a good person. 

Nuns, priests, monks, their lives all have meaning and they don't have children. Not by any stretch am comparing myself to them, as their dedication is pretty amazing in itself... Though, um, my life may actually have more meaning because I get to enjoy it a little more, ifyaknowwhatImean *winkwink* hahaha!

"It is different when they are your own kids."

Maybe. But, I for one am not going to go through 9 or so months of pregnancy and child birth just to find out. Thanks.

There are enough parents that should not have had kids. There are many unwanted children born into this world. Why? Perhaps because someone wanted to please another. Maybe they fell into "Well this is what I'm supposed to do" mindset. Or really, just some people shouldn't have kids! 

"You're making a big mistake."

Seriously, from the bottom of my heart...  Fuck you and fuck off. 

"What if you were one of the few women left on earth and it was your duty to repopulate and keep the human population thriving?" 

If I could actually bear children, let my ovaries work their magic! Do me! 

A snippet from a blog I've read, "Childlessness advocates tell us, in sum, that children require a lot of sacrifices. That’s not news. What may be new is that people now feel confident enough to argue publicly that those sacrifices are too great — in short, that the child is not worth it. I say “may be” new because while the technology has changed over the millennia, the human heart has not. No doubt in every age there were a few who thought children not worth the bother." From fatherdesouza

I find it pretty cool and interesting that National Post had a week-long series on this exact same subject. 

I could talk about this topic until I'm blue in the face... Oh wait, I have. Many blue, tear-soaked, lost faces. 

I am Fallon. I define myself. I don't let children or anyone define me. I love me, and even with some nasty bumps along the way, I love my life.